No. I’m 56 and have never been married. I have no children. I’ve had my ups and downs, but so have my married friends. Being married doesn’t guarantee happiness. Being single doesn’t condemn one to misery. There are many paths through life, all are complicated and most have their share of joy and misery. Staring longingly at an idealized picture of someone else’s path will only result in missing out on the joy and richness of experience on your own path.
It is incredibly tough!
Having a soul-mate to share everything with, is something every person on earth longs for. It is as if the creator has ingeniously planted an unbreakable/un-hackable code into each one of us that keeps us craving for an everlasting friend, who we can concede all our worries and troubles to.
But then, why would some people choose to walk this path alone.
Are they different, crazy or is there a bug in the code?
The answer is no!
They are no different and there is no bug in this code. They are as human and weak in their knees as you, me or anyone else. The code indeed is unbreakable and un-hackable!
However, what I believe they have realized over the course of life is that a human-to-human relationship is not always the best place to find true love.
They have, probably over the course of life, understood the indelible futility of relationships and the fact that everything is transient, including the person you call as soul-mate. The ultimate truth of life…that everything changes.
And so they choose not to commit to the institution called marriage. In fact they revere it so much, they choose not being a part of it!
You could say most people who do not marry are in fact the very few among us who seek true love. Just that they can not see it happening in a human relationship.
Nothing wrong with it, I think.
But what about the code? How do they deal with it?
One could say, they rather find their answers in the things they love to do.
Just as Sir APJ Abdul Kalam found it in his love for science.
Ludwig Van Beethoven found it in his love for music.
Leonardo Da Vinci found it in his love for creativity Mr. Ratan Tata found it in his entrepreneurial quest.
Yes it is and sucks more and more as you get older. Speaking as a single, 54 year old man who has never been married I can tell you that being alone as you get older is a scary and unpleasant proposition. Now, it’s relatively easy to find anyone to marry but it’s not just as easy as grabbing the first available woman who will have you and tying the knot. As you get older you become more aware and sure of your values and what you want. If you are not careful you become inflexible and unable to negotiate those values.
In the meantime I see around me people my age who not only have experienced the trials, pain and joy of child-rearing, but are becoming grandparents. For a long time while they were changing diapers and coaching little league I was practicing for tri-athlons, traveling the world, doing whatever activity struck my fancy and drove expensive cars. They were the winners in the long run.
Yes some, perhaps many, of them divorced but they still have their families and children, they experienced the joy of transferring their knowledge and love to another generation of themselves, not strangers, and they formed intimate bonds with someone special that exceed mere friendship.
I don’t regret the good times I had or the adventures or the exciting romantic rendezvous but I think all those things pale in comparison to sharing consistent, cohesive moments with someone you build a future with and plan to grow old with, and do. In addition, the silence of being alone is deafening. You can fill your hours with activities, reading, volunteering and more but coming home to an empty house and wondering who will find you if you die alone in the middle of the night, and who will even care, is one of the most pathetic fears of an aging bachelor’s life. I still live in hope that somewhere out there is the love of my life, waiting to be discovered somehow, but it’s with increasing fear and doubt that that hope is threatened.
Nope. I have an uncle who is 65 and has been divorced and single since past 35 years.
He enjoys his life to the full extent. He has been an X- Ray technician in a cancer hospital for whole of his life and is working after retirement too.
He earns decent amount to fund his regular visits to near by pilgrimage places.
I have asked him several times and discussed about his life as a single.
He has told me one thing which has motivated me the most,”If you can enjoy your own company, then you need no one else to entertain you all the time.”