I photoshopped myself into a photo booth strip a coworker had on her desk and replaced it. And now we wait… -Max Miller
I bet when kittens go to work in kitten offices that there’s always one kitten whose cubicle is decorated with pictures of lonely old ladies -JermHimselfish
My office has started random urine testing of employees to detect traces of hope or optimism. -amishschool
What really helps you get by in the office:
Learning things from co-workers: 5%
What you learned in college: 1%
You know who else brings their kids into work to meet all their coworkers?
BOSS: You ok?
ME: Yeah, why?
BOSS: You have a sign that says “2 Days Without Being Annoyed”
[maintaining eye contact, I change it to 0]
Interviewer: “What’s your greatest strength?”
*45 minutes later*
Me: “I’m very comfortable with silence.”
Coworker left himself signed in to LinkedIn and now his skills include “mouth breathing”. -Sven Amish
When you leave office early and hope nobody sees you..
I’ve never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that’s running 30 minutes over time. -AbbyHasIssues
FRIEND: Dress for the job you want
[later, at work]
BOSS: Why are you wearing cat ears
I hope the mysterious food thief at the office enjoys the dog food marinara and Jello with my toenail clippings I made for him/her. -Quartzjixler
Our boss just banned overly specific nicknames and the whole office is staring at Rat Snitch Brian The Good Time Ruiner. -ceejoyner
The problem with teaching a man to fish is that eventually somebody will microwave that fish in the work break room. -TheCatWhisprer
I hate my job. The work sucks. The people suck. The pay sucks.
*looks up and sees motivational poster on wall*
Well this changes everything
My signature move is asking a co-worker wearing a suit on dress down Fridays, “how did the job interview go?” in front of everyone. -HelmdawgE
Starting a blog that’s just reviews of the food I steal out of the fridge at work. -Underchilde
I’m developing an app that makes a cricket sound effect at the end of my coworkers’ stories. -Swishergirl24
I like to lightheartedly tell my coworkers, “Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my coffee!” And then I never get coffee. -Julia Johns
St. Peter: Why should I let you into heaven?
Me: Once a coworker said “supposably” 7 times in a meeting & I just let her
StP: Get in here