1. I once asked a customer if she would like cream and sugar, with her water.. @briananewt

2. I once drove my car to work, paid for parking and then forgot and took the bus home. Thought my car was stolen when I got home @Michelle282828

3.
A few years ago, I tested the “no tears” baby shampoo claim by rubbing it into my eyes.
There were tears. A lot. @MissSchliez

4. I once waited in line at Macys behind a mannequin for 15minutes thinking it was a person. @yafet01

5. When I was a child in church I thought people said “hey man” instead of “amen” @emiameliee

6. i painted the stairs leading to basement going down. i was trapped for three and a half hours. @evan_aye

7. Tried impressing this girl I liked at the gym by deadlifting 400 lbs, farted really loud and threw out my back. No date for me @eschless23

8. My date took me to a fancy restaurant, ordered wine. The waiter handed me the cork & I licked it. @amym0711

9. My husband left his phone & asked me to bring it to him. Driving there I realized I forgot it. So I tried to call & tell him. @JillToday

10. I entered a bathroom turned and said excuse me to some1 exiting. Turns out the person was me and it was a mirror not the entrance. @kellbell890644

11. I emailed my landlord to ask her for her email. @chelseasamy

12. went through the dunkin donuts drive thru and started talking to the garbage can instead of the speaker @LondynMitchell

13. Once I tried to use my fingers to zoom in on my school pictures. @Blaire_47

14. My co-workers got me a cake for my 30th birthday. I walked into the kitchen and said “omg this is the oldest I’ve ever been!” ‏@LibsInAmerica

15. When I went to the movies, the guy at the ticket counter said “enjoy your movie!” I smiled and said, “you too!” @DylanLangley

16. When I was younger I thought dogs spoke different languages. Like German shepherds spoke German and cocker spaniels spoke Spanish. @sophieboucher36

17. When I was a kid, I used to think dogs and cats were the same species and dogs were males and cats were females @davidwisor

18. I used to think when handicapped parking signs say “$250 fine”, it meant if you pay $250, ok FINE you can park there. @fmarshall99

19. I once walked into a Game Stop, saw a display for “free air guitars – take one”, didn’t see any, asked clerk if they had any more. @DeuceMcCool

20. For many years, too many in fact, I thought a Pony was just a baby horse and not a type of horse. @TripNippleKing

SHOW MORE: 1 2 3 Next >>