1. Coffee: A warm, delicious alternative to hating everybody every morning forever. @LetMeStart

2. Instead of going to Starbucks, I make coffee at home, yell my name out incorrectly, then light a $5 bill on fire. @MensHumor

3. A yawn is a silent scream for coffee. @msrachelhollis

4. When I think about quitting coffee the fear is not that *I* will die…it’s that *others* will die, and I will go to jail. @capricecrane

5. If you don’t think size matters, I’m giving you the smallest coffee mug. @LinajkReturns

6. My wife has a coffeemaker that brews her coffee before she gets out of bed. She got really mad at it yesterday because I slept in. @KentWGraham

7. It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world. @ZooeyDeschanel

8. Hot coffee: Perfect!
Iced coffee: Delicious!
Room-temperature coffee: The most disgusting liquid on earth. @JohnLyonTweets

9. Me without coffee vs. me with coffee @britta_H20

10. Sure, I drink 8 glasses of water a day once they’ve run through some dry roasted coffee beans and have been filtered and brewed properly. @CulturedRuffian

11. “Hi”
My name is
My name is
My name is [chka chka] Slim Shady
*scribbles on cup* “Ok Mr Shrimp Scabies, I’ll start your latte” @daemonic3

12. Someone in the office keeps making decaf coffee & I’ve narrowed it down to that guy who never gets anything done. @WoodyLuvsCoffee

13. I took 3 advanced geometry classes at Penn State and still pick the wrong size lid for my coffee cup 70% of the time. @ericsshadow

14. I’ve had 5 cups of coffee and no joke I just smelled the color blue @lukasbattle

15. Coffee maker is really slow, like it doesn’t even care about my happiness. @moooooog35

16. Listen Starbucks, if my drink is going to have a million calories, there should at least be alcohol in it. @LoveNLunchmeat

17. I spilled my pumpkin spice latte and now a bunch of ants are making brunch plans and doing yoga. @theTonyGee

18. I don’t need a husband I just need someone to come over and make me coffee in the morning and then leave. @thisisjendoll