1. hate when people say don’t give bread to ducks cuz its bad for them. Beer is bad for me but I’d love people to randomly throw it at my house @Fred_Delicious
2. Wife: *texts* What are you doing?
Me: *looks at all the empty beer cans in front of me* Recycling. @XplodingUnicorn
3. at least my personality is still Wine Mom and not Beer Aunt yet @1followernodad
4. *drinks a tiny sip of beer* whiwo shoudl i drink text omgg igm sO wasted @garyfromteenmom
5. A flight attendant judged me for ordering alcohol at 7:10 AM on a 50-minute flight.
The first rule of free beer is drink it. @XplodingUnicorn
6. ME: ugh how did I get so drunk last night
*flashback to me drinking a lot of beer for hours*
ME: I guess we’ll never know @davedittell
7. Me: *drinking another beer*
Wife: you cant live on beer
[20 years later in my house boat on beer lake]
*through tears* look at me now Ann @roostermustache
8. [beer garden]
ME: [touching the beer plants] the beers are coming in very alcoholic this year @mynameisntdave
9. BARTENDER: How can I help you
ME: *handing him my bottle of Corona Light* This beer is too spicy @BuckyIsotope
10. Time to get crazy *drinks one beer* time for bed @13spencer
11. Wife: I’m heading to the store. Do you want anything?
Me: A sense of meaning and purpose in my life.
Wife: *adds beer to the grocery list* @XplodingUnicorn
12. Budweiser isn’t the only beer changing names this summer
Guinness — Ireland
Colt 45 — Stereotype Juice
Miller Lite — Swamp Water @senderblock23
13. I’m impressed with who I become when I don’t have an opener for a bottle of beer @LuvPug
14. “if there was a cup there i would’ve hit it” – me after every missed beer pong shot @roostermustache
15. [visiting family]
1st beer: Civil conversation about work
5th: Heated talk on politics
12th: Shouting match about the best ninja turtle @XplodingUnicorn