1. Going to hotels strictly for the room service @TasteLuxury

2. Hotels are constantly overestimating how much ironing I plan to do. @juliussharpe

3. If you like hotels so much why don’t you marriott *rollerblades into traffic* @senderblock23

[hotel lobby]
Sir would you like our turn down service?
Very good sir.
GIRL BEHIND THE DESK: I’d rather die than go out with you @QwertyJones3

5. Under water hotels look amazing @radnature

6. It’s nice that hotels keep a bible in the room, so while you’re committing sins you can check to make sure you don’t miss any. @Reverend_Scott

7. If hotels really wanted to boost business, they’d leave a pizza on the pillow. @TheMichaelRock

8. I like hotels b/c their magnifying mirrors give me the opportunity to say hi to the family of skin tags developing around my eyes @AndyRichter

9. I think hotels should be required to post a disclaimer if they don’t have power outlets within easy reach of the bed. @bmkibler

10. Dear hotels, Please stop putting bathroom mirrors in the worst places. Sincerely, no, I do not need a full length mirror next to the toilet @FreddyAmazin

11. Hey hotels – enough with the lotions. We get it, you want us to jerk off. @juliussharpe

12. I think hotels set their rates based on how hard the shower is to figure out. @bazecraze

13. “So I was walking through the hotel and I look over and see…” @Dory

14. The only hotels worth staying in are the ones with free continental breakfasts. @damnitstrue