Open Source doesn’t mean anyone can edit the source code.
The true meaning of the word Logic.
There are dozens of programming languages in use, and hundreds that aren’t.
Building a website or a program is hard work.
The entire field of programming radically changes every 4 years.
Doing simple tasks like “browsing the internet” have a dozen of different layers under the hood … and good programmers actually understand all the different layers (it’s truly a miracle that these layers do work correctly … usually).
The day to day job of most programmers has little to do with what you learn when you get a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science.
Just because you’re a programmer it doesn’t mean you can figure out why their MS. Word crashed right now.
That some tasks might be solvable by a computer in theory, but in practice would take more time than the universe has been alive!
Mad shit from movies:
You can’t zoom in on photos beyond their actual resolution
We ACTUALLY DO know how to talk in human, non-techie language… our jobs depend on it!
We’re not all fat
We’re not all fat lazy geniuses
Programmers are not electrical engineers… most don’t own a soldering iron.
Computers don’t make high pitched beeps and chirps when displaying data.
…if they did, that would be the first setting disabled by any developer
I have no idea how to hack. Neither do my colleagues.
Developers in your workplace:
Don’t tell us what you think the solution is, give us the symptoms of the problem or requirement… you’ll get a lot further much, much quicker
Do not attempt to gain favour by talking about sci-fi… seriously, not cool!
I genuinely do not know how long it will take until I look at it properly – this is not a lazy stalling tactic
If it gives unwanted results after passing UAT, it’s YOUR FAULT!
I can see that you deleted the record. There is an audit trail!! Stop trying to blame my code and man up!
Non-techie management should never pick platforms. Ever. Every time… every bloody time they get pitched a bunch of rubbish by guys with big smiles in sharp suits with a shiny box of promises. They then make an executive decision and a million dollars disappears along with what remains of my work place happiness!
Code-freeze means: that bug is staying, so live with it.
Agile/Scrum means: If you don’t turn up to stand up meetings your work will not get done. Your fault.
We are not a necessary evil.
We’re more creative than your marketing department.
Developers in real life:
Yes, I can develop web sites… but no, I won’t do it for the contents of your penny jar, so don’t ask as refusal may offend.
I don’t know specifically why your home computer is slow/broken/won’t print/can’t get online… it could be any one of a thousand million things. I’m a programmer, go talk to an infrastructure guy. Look: there’s one over there hiding behind the curtains!
I don’t care about your daughter/brother/aunt/long-lost-friend who “works with computers”
Don’t glaze over because I said “Database” when you asked me the question