*adds ‘haha’ at the end of my completely non-funny text message to ensure that the recipient knows i’m a lighthearted, nice person who knows how to have a good time*
when the artist u hate releases a catchy song
female character in every single romance movie: it’s beautiful isn’t it?
male character in every single romance movie: (looking at her) yeah it is
Thanks. It has pockets!
— every person ever responding to a compliment on a skirt/dress that has pockets
Where ya goin bitch
team “I wore this yesterday but I’m going to a different place so it doesn’t matter”
That look ur mom gives u when u embarrass her in public but she can’t kill u yet
I’m giving up alcohol for a month.
Wait sorry, that didn’t come out right:
I’m giving up. Alcohol for a month.
Hahagood one sharon! Tell the kids I say hi! Angie wants to bring the snacks to the little league game on saturday
LOL……. Bob’s gonna love this one!!! :-)
The wait worth it
*something falls behind my bed*
“well it was really nice having that thing. Goodbye”
“I have read the Terms and Conditions”
when you’re wrapping presents and the scissors glide
Whenever i get back from the store
• switching between the same three apps for hours
• not speaking to anyone for days at a time
• listening to the same songs i have been listening to for 20 years
• imagining myself in situations that will literally never exist
Way too accurate.