I remember when sleeping 4hrs a night would render me useless. Now after 4 straight hrs of sleep I feel like a rockstar
When did I last shower? What are real pants? I smell like milk.
A postpartum victory: I finally got around to shaving.
Went somewhere without my baby for the first time. First thing I talked about when I got around people? My baby
If I could choose between $10k and 8 hours consecutive sleep, I think I would take sleep.
Torture is your baby sleeping soundly in their crib but you can’t sleep because you keep hearing phantom cries in your head.
We have all the toys in the world but my kid only wants to eat a library book and pull on the radiator chain
First time out with just me and the baby. I doubt my car broke 14 mph.
Baby is sleeping in his nursery for the first time tonight and I’m the one up all night. Obsessively watching the monitor.
And for my next trick, I’ll turn a perfectly dry shirt soaking wet at the sound of a baby’s cry.
I officially pee when I workout now
When it’s 7:30 pm and you realized you haven’t brushed your teeth, combed your hair or put on deodorant yet…
You know your a new mom when your google search history includes: “baby poop”, “baby spit up”, “is my baby eating enough?”
Literally just googled “what do I pack in a diaper bag?”…
Yes small child, please continue to scream because it’s CLEARLY my fault you spit your pacifier on to the gross car floor.
My night: when “don’t cry over spilled milk” is not just an idiom. I literally spilled milk that took lots of effort 2get
I’ve gotten puked on 2x in the past 7 minutes.
I’m pretty sure post partum hair loss is simply a result of forgetting to take out your ponytail for 10 days & not hormones.