1. Burglars, everywhere.
My sister asked if I stole her cream sweater. Uh, yeah. Who else would’ve stolen it? You think a burglar broke in and was like “Cute top!”
2. Thinking of you.
*sees sister’s facebook post that her dog died*
how do i tell her i love her & i’ll always be there for her
*clicks sad face button*
I wish all my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them.
4. You did this.
Nah my vanity is a MESS
5. Sisters be annoying.
As a girl who grew up with an annoying little sister the most unrealistic thing about Frozen is how Elsa never tried to kill Anna on purpose
6. It isn’t fair.
#growingupwithsisters when you look really good and your sister comes out looking better than you & you’re just like
7. I’ve missed you.
That moment when your sister and her husband come over to your place for a visit but really it’s cause there’s a Pokemon in your living room
8. We all have our things.
one sister is pregnant… the other has a family… I just keep getting asked about my dead tarantula
I had a lot of fun hanging out with my pregnant sister because there’s no comeback to “someone’s peeing in you right now.”
10. An eye for an eye.
My little sister stole my license for a trip to Texas so my parents suggested I use all her stuff
11. Save everyone’s ears.
My sister has promised to sing at my funeral. I hope she goes before I do.
13. The only movement that matters.
My little sister’s pre-language infancy was spent ardently yet fruitlessly trying to describe a spicy meatball
15. Who’s the favorite?
[hugging mom at sister's funeral]
“And you said I’d never be your favorite”