The most recent hashtag? #MarchDadness.Just yesterday Jimmy Fallon asked his Twitter followers to tweet “the best/corniest “dad joke” your dad or someone else’s dad has said”, and there are already a bunch of responses.
One time my dad walked up to a Samsung security guard and asked, “Are you guardian of the galaxy?
Every time the doorbell rang my dad would yell, “Everybody, act normal!” Loud enough for the person outside to hear it.
One time, his fortune cookie told him to embrace his mistakes. Next thing I know, he leans over and hugs me.
The secret service doesn’t yell “get down!” when the president is in danger. Now they yell “Donald, duck!”
Dad broke his wrist, asked nurse if he’ll be able to play piano. When she said yes, he said “Great! I couldn’t play before!”
When I said to my father that I was old enough to drive he said: “Yes but the car is not.”
My dad bought me a condom when I turned 18. The cashier asked if we needed a bag, my dad replied, “No, she isn’t that ugly.”
Every time we pass by the cemetery my dad says “people are dying to get in there!”
Recently got a job at Dick’s Sporting Goods as a cashier. My dad has been calling me a Dick checker ever since.
My dad signs most of his texts “love, YAD.” For years I thought it was a typo, turns out it means “your awesome dad”
My friend’s dad said “What happens when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?” then left the room. Best one I’ve heard.
My dad owns both an IPad and an IPad mini he refers to them as his mini pad and his maxi pad.
Just asked my dad for his best dad joke… his response?
Every time a bug hit the windshield my dad would say “he’ll never have the guts to do that again”. Every time.
Me: Dad, how long hve u been married? Dad: 17 happily married years. Me: thought it was 24 years? Dad: like I said, HAPPILY.
(Dad) “Did you hear about the kidnapping on the news?” (Me) “No?, What happened?” (Dad) “it’s okay he woke up”
Badass Dad used to pretend to be asleep, then shout “Still alive!” at the nurses checking in on him (he had a heart condition)
Once I said, “Dad, I’ve been thinking…” to which he replied, “I thought I smelled something burning.”
When the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he says,’No, just leave it in the carton!”
Every time we drive past a gas station, my dad says “Excuse me, I just passed gas”
When I was a kid and I would ask my dad to make me a sandwich he would say “Poof! You’re a sandwich”
“Go ask your brother what happened when he did that!” But we don’t have a brother? “Exactly!”
Me: Dad, was I adopted? Dad: Not yet.
My aunt would ask dad at breakfast how he slept, he often replied “with my eyes closed” & it always made her mad
On road trips, Dad would point at ever cow we drove by & tell my baby sister they were bunnies. This went on until she was 7.
In high school, if a friend called the house and asked if I was there, my dad would say yes and hang up on them!
My dad desperately wanted 2 have a son; ended up having 4 girls in 3.5 yrs. He jokingly called us his “4 misses”
My dad’s best joke: What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
When someone asks “guess who I saw today!?” My dad says “everybody you looked at??”
Being in nursing school has created a whole new monster