I’m going to tell you a secret.
Women love compliments.
OMG, are you serious? That’s not a secret…
You’re right, you’re right… just chill out. I’m getting to the secret part.
I’m going to set it up a little. Hang with me here.
You see a beautiful woman. You say, “Hi, gorgeous, how are you today?”
She snarls at you and moves away.
HEY, I THOUGHT YOU SAID ALL WOMEN LIKE COMPLIMENTS.
I didn’t say all women like all compliments.
A beautiful woman hears compliments on her looks all day long, every day. And every one of those men complimenting her wants something from her, her time, her attention, etc. And they all say the same thing. No one cares about the person, they just want to be seen with the pretty woman.
So, let’s try this again.
You see a cute but dorky girl reading War and Peace. You say, “Wow, you must be really smart, reading War and Peace.”
She looks at you blankly and says, “I’m reading. Leave me alone.”
THIS ISN’T WORKING! I’M GIVING COMPLIMENTS AND CRASHING AND BURNING. ARE YOU SOME SORT OF SADIST?
A smart woman constantly is told she’s smart, as if that is all she is. All of the “smart girl” stereotypes, you just smacked her with? She’s used to it. Unimpressed. Slightly offended. There’s more to her than her brain.
WHAT THE HOLY HELL? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO IF I’M NOT COMPLIMENTING HER ON THE OBVIOUS?
Nice! You just figured it out.
WHAT DID I FIGURE OUT? START TALKING SENSE!
Don’t compliment her on the obvious. If you want her to take you seriously, take her seriously. The pretty woman rarely hears that she’s smart. The smart woman rarely hears that she’s pretty. Learn a few observation skills and find out what someone wants to be, and compliment that.
That gorgeous woman has a book sitting next to her.
“Oh, are you reading Malcom Gladwell’s Blink? Did you read Outliers?”
“Oh, I just started it. But it’s good so far.”
“You have great taste in literature! If you like Gladwell you might also like Deborah Tannen…”
You didn’t say, “Great boobs, nice ass, I love blonds” you said “You have great taste in literature!” You just recognized that she is a person. Good job.
The dorky but cute woman sitting alone having lunch…
“Hey, I don’t mean to bother you but I think you are really beautiful. Would you like to get coffee sometime? With me?”
Watch her blush from her neckline to her crown. Be that bold. She doesn’t get approached like that. Even if she says no, I guarantee you just made her day. She is going to tell every friend she has about this and blush all over again.
What does my woman want to hear after we’ve been together a while?
Same principle. Who does she want to be? What does she see herself as? Compliment that.
The best compliment I ever received was:
“I really liked your book. I felt like I knew those people.”
Bonus: The “Best” Compliment
Women know we are in constant competition. Men are always looking, always comparing. If you say to your wife, “You are the most beautiful woman in the world” we know you are BSing. We appreciate the sentiment, but there’s no way that’s true. Especially because we see your roaming eyes.
Want your lady to feel special? Pick out a part of her that is the “best.”
“You have the most beautiful ears. Seriously. They are perfect.”
“These are the most beautiful hands in the world. I mean it. You should be a hand model.”
“I love kissing your neck. It always smells so nice and feels so soft. I just love the curve of it. You have a beautiful neck.”
Yes, you can pick the boobs or ass, but try to find something you sincerely enjoy about the woman in your life, that she can believe really is unique and special and that you are the only person who knows her well enough to appreciate it.
These are powerful things. Use compliments responsibly.