1. You can’t get in trouble because your parents will know in 23 seconds


2. And you can’t say “I have a secret” without your friend’s mom’s aunt’s neighbor’s ex-husband finding out

3. You can’t get to school on time because a tractor will almost always cause an unnecessary traffic jam

4. You can’t go to Wal-Mart without a bra because your old English teacher will be there

5. You can’t convince people that the name of your town isn’t something you just made up on the spot

6. You can’t possibly get a teacher who didn’t already know every single one of your older siblings or relatives

7. Good luck trying to wade through the same four people who pop up on Tinder.

8. You can’t really get away without having a car unless you never wanna get groceries or go to a non-chain restaurant again


9. You can’t read the local news without seeing something questionable

10. You can’t remember a time when the beautiful, floral smell of animal poop didn’t attack your nostrils


11. You can’t go out past 10 unless you wanna loiter in some parking lot somewhere

12. You can’t make plans on a Friday night in the fall because those are reserved for football games and football games ONLY


13. You can’t drive a car without worrying about hitting a deer, cow, pig, horse, etc


14. You can’t crave anything from The Cheesecake Factory ‘cuz chances are the closest one is an hour away


15. You can’t wear blue corduroy without someone thinking you’re in FFA


16. You can’t go on any field trips without selling multiple boxes of these damn chocolates