When you're waiting on a takeaway delivery you can hear every car door shutting in a 5 mile radius— b.b (@Benoo_Brown) May 6, 2017
teacher: ok please say here when I call ur name— golakka crawler (@Chainbody) May 11, 2017
kid wearing a shirt that says "gamers don't age, we level up!": present
Nobody gas you up like yo mama Facebook friends— Marie (@Its_Chelseaaaaa) April 18, 2017
Every voicemail I leave sounds like English is my second language.— Erica (@SCbchbum) April 2, 2015
When you send someone a funny video and they say "LMFAOOOOOOOO" two seconds later but the video is 60 seconds long pic.twitter.com/6csRC29cR3— John Wayne (@abedelrey) March 15, 2017
when you wanna ask ya moms for money you be in her room acting like you care about what she watching on tv like this… pic.twitter.com/nNj14qATTU— Chino (@TheOGPooh) May 25, 2017
Part of being an adult is "We got food at the house"-ing yourself— Jackie Brown (@KendaddyDoe) April 10, 2017
[normal life]— jomny sun (@jonnysun) July 5, 2016
ive worn the same shirt everyday for a week
[packing for vacation]
hmmm. i'll prob change a few times a day so thats…32 shirts
1. Type password.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 28, 2016
2. See PASSWORD INCORRECT
3. Type exact same thing but harder and louder.
Sober in an Uber: Please don't talk to me. I don't know you.— Michael Tiberi (@MichaelJTiberi) June 29, 2016
Drunk in an Uber: I want to get married one day, but I put up emotional walls
Netflix: Are you still there?— Jonathan Rogers (@SKEJayRogers) June 1, 2017
Me looking at my own snapchat stories, selfies and tweets after a long day, just reflecting on how great I am. pic.twitter.com/x6002kyihv— Makayla (@MakaylaMashelle) June 8, 2017
killer: any last words— big tan (@mineifiwildout) May 29, 2017
D+ student : A 2.0 student can know more than a 4.0 student. Grades dont determine intelligence, they test obedience
Person: Would you like to eat 6 string cheeses in a row?— Shantira Jackson (@tira_son) April 19, 2017
Person: We deep fried em and there will be tomato sauce.
Me: Oh, ok, yes.
*shows parents a funny meme*— meryum siddiqi (@sassysiddiqi) May 30, 2017
parents: who is that? is that ur friend? do you go to school w/ them? do you love this shit? are you high rn?
Me: hey— Kamrul (@_ki04) May 30, 2017
Person with clear skin: honestly its just water
*driving with my mom in the car*— FREDDY (@FreddyAmazin) May 26, 2017
Me: *goes 1 mph over the speed limit*
My mom: pic.twitter.com/sJvHkFNBLc
me when i'm adding chopped onions, garlic, and assorted vegetables to my 99 cent pack of ramen noodles pic.twitter.com/KiOdwthDPI— Tommy Rosiers (@tommyrosiers) May 31, 2017