When a friend asks me when was the last time I got laid pic.twitter.com/MozkY2tERT— Tsume (@TsumeAlphaWolf) February 23, 2016
i finished my christmas list i can’t wait
• $ 1,000,000 in cash
• the souls of those who have displeased me this year
• another boyfriend in case my other one escapes
*walks up to microphone during wedding reception*— Aimee Helene (@AimeeHelene1) July 25, 2015
*taps on mic; everyone smiles*
"Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"
Dating Tips— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) October 29, 2013
Please. I am 36 and live with 2 guinea pigs.
ME: im sick of being single— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) November 19, 2015
FRIEND: want me to set u up with someone?
ME: absolutely not, i'd have to put on pants & talk. no thank u
Single and ready to get nervous around anyone I find attractive.
*someone flirts with me*
me,10 years later: OH SHIT were they flirting with me??!?!?
flirting with your crush like
'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff, and my echo replied "I just want to be friends."— Sasshole (@RidiculousSheri) May 26, 2014
IF YOU WANNA BE MY LOVER
YOU GOTTA tell me really explicitly because I can’t tell when people are actually flirting with me
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) November 5, 2012
“how lonely are you?”
A picture has never summed me up so much
Him: Do you mind ringing those customers up?
Me: I’ll ring you up ;)
Me: why is everyone together and I don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend
Also me: declines every date, takes 3-5 business days to reply to messages, never smiles, cannot parallel park
Reasons why I am single..
maybe this year ill find a boyfriend [audience laughs in the background]
When people ask why I'm single pic.twitter.com/ioJSIHOvyB— Cam Salamone (@whamitscam) September 17, 2016
normal people flirting: hey you're cute we should go out sometime (;— what (@chanelpuke) November 9, 2013
me trying to flirt: so do you like bread
Valentine's Day really separates the men from the boys, and then separates me from both of them in a third location— Megan Amram (@meganamram) February 15, 2015
[me as a DJ]— Jennathan (@Jennuflect) September 18, 2015
Where my single ladies at?
This one's for you
*turns off music, serious tone*
This is a bad place to meet men
When I think about why I'm single pic.twitter.com/XGCrXAe54g— Loco Coco (@TacoKingCoco) September 23, 2015
Being single is the best. So much time to do what you want. Think and reflect. Stare into the void and try to remember what touch felt like.— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) September 1, 2016
*gets into a relationship*— Hippo (@InternetHippo) May 26, 2015
This is bad
Hmm this is bad too
*looks in a mirror*
Oh I see the problem now
me, lonely as shit: i’m lonely as shit
anyone: hey do you want to hang out m-
me, exhausted suddenly: no
When people ask about my love life
Me before a date: don't dress weird, don't act weird, don't say anything weird.— Michael Tiberi (@MichaelJTiberi) August 10, 2016
Me showing up to that date: pic.twitter.com/kgvDIP3pJX
I don't understand why I'm single my hobbies include smelling my own hair and bragging about how I'm immune to bats— dream ghoul (@TheDreamGhoul) September 3, 2015
me in the future
me: I want a relationship!!— Kala (@kala5000) February 7, 2017
someone: hi I'd like a relationship with you