1. When you realize parenting makes you qualified to do literally anything
Alligator wrestlers are amateurs. Try putting sunblock on a 3 year old.
2. When you’ve figured out the answer
Things I’ve learned since becoming a mom: Sleep is very important. It keeps you from using diaper cream as moisturizer.
3. When you start adapting to the lifestyle a little too much
New mom level attained: found a piece of cheese left on the couch from my toddler’s lunch. Ate it.
4. When you know you shouldn’t pick favorites but one kid really is outshining the other
Newborn just slept in until 7:45 after multiple 2+ hr stretches all night. Yep, definitely new favorite child.
5. When you seriously can’t leave them alone, like even for a minute
It still amazes me how much chaos these children can cause in the time it takes for me to go to the bathroom.
6. When you’ve just got to be honest about what’s feasible
After 200 photo outtakes, 10 meltdowns, and 1 diaper blowout, everyone will be receiving a holiday text message from us in lieu of a card.
7. When the younger one gets into the older one’s stuff and wreaks havoc
When you realize your 2 yr old has snuck her older sister’s scissors into their room
8. When you can sense something is not the way it should be
Evie seemed awfully quiet. Found her washing her hands. In the toilet. (At least she wasn’t brushing her teeth?!)
9. When your instincts are almost always spot-on
I should have expected a dual poop explosion at the same time while I’m on vacation.
10. When you learn to appreciate good communication
My 20 month old makes it so much nicer to change her diaper by saying “poopy diaper here” when she needs changed. Impossible to be annoyed.
11. When you start talking to your kid like a colleague who really needs to cooperate
I’ve been in corporate America so long I just asked my 6 month old to “help me help you” during a routine diaper change.
For me flossing teeth isnt abt healthy teeth&gums.Its abt keeping the bathroom door locked 5 more mins