BELLE: There goes the baker with his tray like always
BAKER: well there goes Belle, singing her DAILY MEAN SONG about us
*slams hands on table*
HOW DID BUZZ KNOW TO FREEZE AROUND HUMANS IF HE DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS A TOY, CAROL?
“Be Our Guest” is a great song but at the same time it’s a man candle telling a woman what a restaurant is
I can’t even tell you how mad I would be as sleeping beauty if some dude just came in & woke me up & then was like let’s get married.
If I were Princess Belle I’d never get past the talking furniture. 4 days in I’d still be screaming.
A 90s Disney exec reclines with his feet on the conference table. He takes a few puffs from his cigar.
“Goofy should have a dead wife.”
That prince in Sleeping Beauty really doesn’t get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn’t brushed her teeth in 100 years.
Belle was the first hot girl to pretend she was a nerd in high school
My Mermaid Wife’s Stupid Undersea Collection of Shipwreck Artifacts That She Keeps In A Cave
We really never talked enough about the fact that Ariel’s main hobby was “looting corpses for whatever they had in their pockets.”
Sebastian the Crab had the right idea singing constantly cause if I was Ariel I’d eat his delicious flesh the second the showtunes stopped.
“You’re still a winner,” Pinocchio whispered into his third drink. He wept as his nose grew to touch the glass.
me: “why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?” therapist: “i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith”
My favorite Disney song is the one where the baby lion can’t wait for his dad to die so he can be King
My favorite character in Beauty and the Beast is this dresser waiting to fuck up a villager with a baseball bat.
Do we all agree there is a 100% chance an earlier version of this machine killed Belle’s mom
The most amazing thing about Finding Dory is how they managed to put a receding hairline on a fish
BEAST: STAY OUT OF THE WEST WING
BEAST: JUST STAY OUT
[later, Belle enters West Wing]
ROB LOWE: hi
BEAST: SON OF A
Maybe Aladdin would be able to get a real job if he wore a shirt and not just a tiny vest
Belle could have easily set up some kind of literacy program in her town instead of being a pretentious snit about it
Total bs that when Sleeping Beauty spends all day in bed she’s a “beautiful princess,” but when I do the same I’m “clinically depressed.”