[grocery produce aisle]
ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?
CLERK: No, why do you ask?
CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?
Calm down shouty museum man. I think it’s pretty obvious that I know how to ride a dinosaur skeleton.
Alien: why should I not blow up this planet?
Human: we are an advanced species
A: how do you travel?
H: we light old dinosaurs on fire
Biologist screws up:
Mutant killer virus
Physicist screws up:
Deadly black hole
Geologist screws up:
Rock on table is now rock on floor
Scientists recently discovered T-Rex hunted in packs, confirming once again that we should all send that asteroid a thank you card.
There’s a bird in the yard and she’s shaking her tail feathers in hope of attracting a mate. HE SHOULD LOVE YOU FOR YOUR BRAIN, I yell.
We basically broke up with Pluto by saying it wasn’t a planet anymore then spent 9yrs obsessing about it & just drove by its house real slow
Scientists claim that the Big Bang was the loudest noise that has ever occured in history. They obviously haven’t met my kids.
Science is tricky. Keeps you on your toes.
Mineralogy? Study of minerals.
Oceanology? Study of oceans.
Meteorology? NOT ABOUT METEORS.
Why yes, I do live under a rock. It’s called the moon.
SCIENTIST: Climate change is killing Earth
PEOPLE: Eh I guess
SCIENTIST: Dogs hate hugs
PEOPLE: I DEMAND TO SEE YOUR PRIMARY DATA SOURCES
Sometimes I wonder whether we are not smart enough to realize how simple our Brains actually are.
*trump becomes president*— Sammy (@SammyAlbon) February 23, 2017
*a few weeks later*
NASA: we've found 7 planets, 3 we can live on and there's enough room for everyone pic.twitter.com/R4RDoAtHJC
Land: Okay, there's like 4 basic shapes and everything is pretty much that.— Gabriel Morton (@gabrielenguard) November 26, 2016
Water: I MADE A MONSTER FROM FEATHERS AND MOTOR NEURONS pic.twitter.com/krUC5hFof7