Its so crazy to me to think that my boyfriend existed & had a life before he met me like how did he live without me all those years dam
I moved in with my girlfriend after 1 year. People say we’re rushing in but we’re both so in love with saving $900/mo.
[introducing myself to new boyfriends parents]
“Hi, I usually don’t make it this far”
7:43 pm: I am in an argument with my girlfriend and my anger is justified
7:51 pm: I have just apologized for the Salem Witch Trials
My Girlfriend and I interpreted the dress code a little differently. It said casual?!
Relationships are a lot like sports, at first you’re really excited but by the end you’ve eaten too many hot dogs and are too drunk to argue
keeping our marriage fresh/exciting via texts
Me: I’m feelin’ blah, say nice things to me. Boyfriend: [just starts listing off dog breeds]
Relationships are an expensive way to watch someone slowly like you less and less.
My husband just texted me from the bathroom and asked me to bring him “A LOT more toilet paper,” so yeah, the romance ain’t dead people.
“House Hunters” should be called “Couples Realizing They Should See Other People.”
Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn’t wanna share.
Long-term relationships are basically sending messages like this from the grocery store back and forth forever.
My husband is on the roof – only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
I overheard a guy saying to his girlfriend “are you ready to fucking rage” as they walked into target together and that’s what I want
every year thousands of boyfriends are hunted for their jeans alone
My girlfriend wanted to watch the new Hunger Games but I didn’t want to so we compromised and now we’re going to watch the new Hunger Games
Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious
The secret to a successful long-term relationship is the ability to laugh at the same joke 3,682,000 times.
*Bae asked what do I want to eat*
Me: I want chicken alfre-
Me to me: tell him you don’t know
Relationships aren’t complicated. Calculus is complicated. Relationships are like if you tried to date calculus.
I bet my husband’s favorite thing about me is how I don’t order anything and then ask for sips of his drink and snatch his french fries.
Relationships are like health insurance: all your preexisting conditions start coming out AFTER you’ve been approved
Don’t get in a relationship w/someone before knowing what voices they use around babies & pets
a long term relationship means hearing “let me empty my butt before you shower” while still finding that other person sexually attractive
Me when my boyfriend makes a valid point and I just wanna move on to the next subject… pic.twitter.com/aBePWggpnw— Emilie E. F. Flynn (@GenuinelyEmilie) July 5, 2017
Me: *dies*— ASIA (@asialbx) February 28, 2017
People to my boyfriend: it's okay to get back out there, she'd want you to move on
Me in heaven: pic.twitter.com/CMfAEgWVUw