When a man tells me he's looking for a 'real woman' I scurry away because I'm actually three owls in a raincoat AND HE MUSTN'T FIND OUT.— Aimee (@Mimiification) July 1, 2017
Do men like being kicked in the sack? Women in new survey given after being shown this headline say yes. pic.twitter.com/pdKh5EWd2U— Twitnter is Coming (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 20, 2017
My mom just sent me this of my dad pic.twitter.com/fMuVFTkpBQ— Paige Alban (@paigealban23) July 3, 2017
My dog's ear is like the perfect picture to show your hairdresser if you want beachy waves and caramel highlights pic.twitter.com/vSuoDqKQ8u— Kerbie Gibbs (@kerbiegibbs) June 24, 2017
I've never related to a vending machine more in my life pic.twitter.com/xxQCNhlz5I— Barbara Palvin (@BraPalvin19) June 21, 2017
[enter password]— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) June 20, 2017
[password not strong enough]
How does the little mermaid decide which creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra— Flora Flora (@Flora__Flora) June 29, 2017
I NEED TO KNOW WHY EVERYONE SAID I COULD SAVE MONEY BRINGIN LUNCH TO WORK ITS 9:43 I ATE THE LUNCH NOW I HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER LUNCH FOR LUNCH pic.twitter.com/hKd6p2AaiA— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) July 3, 2017
Focus group. This could have been avoided with 1 focus group (of women). pic.twitter.com/C76lv5ji33— Jillian David (@JillianDavid13) July 3, 2017
Idk y men go to bars to meet women— Leo Blake Carter (@LeoBlakeCarter) May 22, 2017
Go to Target.
The female to male ratio is 10 to 1 & they’re already looking for things they don’t need.
MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED— Sarah Lyons (@sarbeaaaar) January 3, 2017
Still don't know how I got away with a huge hip flask as my prom clutch pic.twitter.com/fYDJkA0MuC— EL (@eleanorclrke) July 2, 2017
Sometimes I read Trump's twitter & recall that for most of American history people were like, "women are too emotional to be president."— Jill Filipovic (@JillFilipovic) May 12, 2017
I'm having lunch with my mom today. I can't wait to hear how tired and unmarried I look.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) March 4, 2017
'It is now illegal to ejaculate, unless it's for reproduction' pic.twitter.com/cqhuPFw0PM— molly-mae (@mollycoldridge) January 26, 2017
adventures in online dating with yours truly pic.twitter.com/pcw2aStjkz— sophia sadoughi (@sophsa) June 26, 2017
My sister went to a dress up party, guess which one she is… pic.twitter.com/BqWBAKdaRK— Marisssssa (@FriendOFGay) July 1, 2017
Men: the state shouldn't subsidize birth control— eve peyser (@evepeyser) January 13, 2017
Also men: abortion should be illegal
ALSO men: Wanna fuck?
me: how old is your baby?— Erica (@SCbchbum) June 1, 2017
her: 46 weeks
me, struggling w/the math: may i offer him a beer?