Brain: quick say something interesting
Me: Lasagna is just spaghetti flavored cake
HER: I like a man who isn’t afraid to get nasty
ME: (trying to impress her) *double dips my fries in her ketchup*
Him: “I like hot dogs.”
Me: “Scooby-Doo is very attractive.”
Him: “I love science-fiction.”
Me, trying to impress him: “I think the earth is flat.”
(on a first date)
you know if you shave a Guinea pig they look like tiny hippos
*with way too much food in my mouth*
they hate it though
*Don’t let her know you’re a bunch of cats in a person suit*
Date: “what are your hobbies?”
*slowly pushes wine glass off table*
*emptying jar of coins into coinstar* “almost done”
so where are we going after this?
HER: i’m really into astronomy
ME: [revealing my secret stash of Milky Ways] you don’t say
her: i’m only into very mature guys
me[trying to impress her] all of my action figures are still in the packaging
Him: I’m 100% Italian.
*trying to impress him*
Me: Wow that’s so crazy my dad happens to be a calzone
Her: If you can have dinner with someone living or dead, who would you choose?
Me: The dead one. I’m not good around people.
[first date at restaurant]
ME: so, do you like dogs?
HER: I’m more of a-
ME: CHECK PLEASE
Him: This restaurant seems nice.
Me: Don’t let him know you can’t regulate your internal monologue
Him: Your what?
“table or booth?”
me: we’re done here
*on a first date*
Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret
Him: Why are you being so distant?
Me: Why didn’t you order a side of guacamole?
WAITER: how would you like your steak?
HIM: [thinking of something unique & witty] dead
WAITER: and you, ma’am?
HER: to go
date:..and so after mom died my brother and i raised ourselves
m: do you ever pretend youre an agent of shield i do
Her: I try to stay in good shape.
Me: (trying to impress) You’d make a great circle.
Her: I love books and fictional bad guys
Me: *trying to impress her* I’m on parole for stealing a book mobile
[breaking 5 minute silence on first date]
Me: sorry I laughed when you said both your parents were dead