“Oh duh, it’s PMS, it all makes sense now,” she mumbled through chocolate-smeared lips as the house burned behind her.

Him: Honey, is your period due soon?
Me: [whittling breadstick into a shiv] Any day now, why do you ask?

It comforts me to know Michelle gets PMS too.


If a woman is eating unsweetened baking chocolate and crying at a costume montage in Devil Wears Prada, that’s PMS, son. You stay away.

I need a period app that tells me NOTHING about my fertility since I’m never having babies and EVERYTHING about when I’m going to have PMS.

me, a few days ago: i feel like literal death why am i so sad why do my boobs hurt so much period, now: HELLO NAUGHTY CHILD IT’S MURDER TIME

I’m at the point in my PMS that even old people in love are bumming me out.

When I’m PMS’ing I should just be locked in a room with puppies and blankets and pillows bcuz I’m too emotional for real life lol

I literally cried and went back home alone just because my boyfriend didn’t like the food that I like. PMS is real

I track my period by my reactions to laughing baby videos on the internet. According to the amount of crying I just did, I’m 4 days away.

On a scale from 1 to 10 my PMS has reached a Lady MacBeth.

I know I’m about to get my period because I saw one of those ASPCA commercials 3 hours ago & I’m still crying

You know those mornings when birds try to dress you & mice try to be your friends, but you’re like “Get the fuck out of my face I have PMS”

The cool thing about PMS is I just ate an entire bag of candy corn while sobbing because candy corn is disgusting.

I have PMS. This is what it looks like. I cried listening to a prank caller retire on Stern earlier. Now I’m in bed and angry at a blanket.

PMS symptoms may include: irritability, fatigue, bloating, cramps, crying about Batman

“I will cry my way through a goddamn Charmin commercial & rip the voice box out of a Furby if I want to.” ~PMS

Just teared up at this bar bathroom graffiti telling me to love myself so no, I don’t need your period tracker app

the week leading up to your period is the worst it’s honestly like playing russian roulette with underwear

“Who ate all my PMS chocolate?!?!?!”