1. Keep it simple.
“Where do babies come from?”
- and people act like parenting is hard or whatever

2. Answer their question with a question.
The Kidlet asked me where babies come from. I asked her how to get to Sesame Street. And now we stare at each other.

3. Hit ‘em with the alternative facts.
My son found some handcuffs under our bed so I had to have “the talk” today…
I’m an international crime fighter now

4. Shipping is free with Prime.
Sarah – “Dad, where do babies come from?”
Me – “Amazon”
Sarah – thinking for a while… “OK”

5. Whoa. Way harsh. (True, but harsh.)
“Dad where do babies come from?”
“Some say a swirling hell portal on the outskirts of town. Others, from the bottom of a mystic lake”

6. Let sperm swimming to the sounds of The Beach Boys do the heavy lifting.
4 year old: “Mama, where do babies come from?”
Me: “OK, I think it’s time to watch Look Who’s Talking.”

milennial dad sitting down to give his kid The Talk: son, I think it’s time you learned about the eggplant emojis and the peach emojis

8. Keep your phone out of reach.
Siri, where do babies come from?
Me half awake in the kitchen: Nooooooooooooooo!!! God noooooooooooo!
- Mom life

9. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Karson just asked me where babies come from. Long story short he now thinks if you kiss a girl you get a baby.

10. A little misdirection never hurt.
Son: where do babies come from
Me: ask your mother
Me: shit.

11. Find out what they know.
Z: where do babies come from? Me:where do you think? Z: moms butts

12. Plan in advance.
parenting style: hide babies all over house
when kid asks where babies come from I’ll yell “WHERE DONT THEY COME FROM” & open every cabinet

13. Don’t worry about reality.
I never thought I’d have to give “the talk” to a kid, let alone have it end with “So, wait, birds mate by putting their butts together!?”

Kid: Dad, where do babies come from?
Harry: I feel very lucky to have worked on this project with your mother.
Traumatize them.

15. Create a diversion.
*At lunch with Nate*
N- mom, plz pass the fries
N- oh and where do babies come from?
Me- do you want a milkshake?!
Another parenting win