1. When your kid knows you a little too well.
Every time my toddler sees a glass of wine she points and says “Mommy.”
2. When you don’t know why you bother buying anything but character shirts for your kid.
I’m glad I bought my son a cute summer wardrobe so he could wear the same Super Mario t shirt for 23 days in a row.
3. When you are okay with “sounding just like your mother.”
4. When you try to make the best of the situation.
“Textured walls are super chic right now. I’m so on trend!”
-me, noticing the dents my kids left in the drywall
5. When you’re a little too excited for school to start.
I’d like you to meet my chidren or as I like to call them, “your problem now.”
~Me dropping my kids off at school.
6. When you know your kid better than they know themselves.
My son thinks he could win American Ninja Warrior but first he needs to get thru the grocery store without his legs getting “wobbly & sore.”
7. When you remember how clever you are.
The coolest thing about my kids not liking Life cereal is that they have no clue that box is where I’ve been putting the good chocolate.
8. When you are at least documenting their lives somewhere.
Kids 20 years from now: Mom, where’s my baby book at?
Me: Check Twitter
9. When this is your idea of an amazing lunch break.
Mom confession #482: Sometimes I go to the drive-thru with my kids just so I can park and eat a hot meal while they’re restrained.
10. When you really know your kids’ bathroom schedule.
Times my kids have to pee:
-2 minutes after getting in bed
-anytime we’re nowhere near a toilet
11. When money is no object for everyone but yourself.
Is it just a mom thing like I cringe at the thought of splurging on something for me but if its 4 baby or my hubs I’m all 4 it. anyone else?
12. When…hey, at least you tried.
Not to brag, but I found a way to take a shower. It involved 4 snacks, 2 tablets and 3 baby gates. But hey, I’m clean! *kid pukes on me*
13. When even your house needs a break from the kids.
The kids are staying at their grandparents’ house for a few days, and I think I literally just heard my house breathe a sigh of relief.
14. When your kids use selective memory to work in their favor.
I wish my kids were as good at remembering what I’ve asked them to do as they are when I “promise” to take them somewhere.
15. When you just care too much.
I didn’t like school then and I like it even less now that my kids are going… because now I care.
16. When you attempt to make everything fair.
I buy two of everything for my dogs so it’s fair… However…
I make my kids fight to the death for the last pancake.
17. When you’re certain your kids are scheming against you.
Pretty sure my kids have secret meetings where they plan to like the exact opposite foods just to mess with me.
18. When you give a little humble brag.
I’ve never lost one of my kids for more than six hours so I guess you could say I’m pretty good at parenting.
19. When you recognize a good thing when you have it.
My family went camping & left me home alone, like I’d be missing out.
Oh please, don’t leave me home with electricity & running water.
20. When you can’t believe how fast time goes.
Kids grow up so fast
21. When you can tell your kids are taking after you.
I tripped and my kids gave me a golf clap. Their smart assery is on point.
22. When shopping for literally anything is your worst nightmare.
Back to school shopping with my kids is just me saying, “CAN YOU ALL GET ALONG FOR 5 FREAKING MINUTES?” until I’m crying.
23. And when you know your most important audience.
I’m kind of a big deal…
to my kids.