1. When you just can’t take watching another kid’s movie
I bribed my kid with toys to avoid seeing this horseshit movie.
2. And when you just can’t take watching any kid’s show in general
Bribed my kid with marshmallows to turn off Mickey Mouse and watch anything not animated.
3. When you will gladly trade an M&M for beef
I just bribed my kid with an M&M so he would let me finish my beefaroni in peace
4. When your kid’s money is just your money
Bribed my kid with a treat to get her to swim class; took $3 from her piggy bank to buy it; felt smug as hell.
5. When you turn to fast food because – let’s be real – parks are draining
Bribed my kid to leave the park by saying we could go to taco bell. She’s definitely mine.
6. When you need the latest gossip on your own kid
How I got my kid to tell me who her crush is. I bribed her with $100. She folded like a house of cards. I said, man, should’ve offered $20.
7. When you’re in dire need of Target and those stupid cars are only a dollar
I bribed my middle kid with the promise of a matchbox car if he went to Target with me.
8. When you use sweets as your secret weapon
I bribed Matthew with a cupcake to get in the shower and I’ve never seen the kid run into the bathroom so quickly in my life
9. When you make the best deals you know how to in the middle of the night
It’s midnight and I’ve just bribed the kid with Mountain Dew to get her to take her medicine. My parenting book will be a best seller.
10. When you know that breakfast is the most important meal of the day
Bribed my kid with marshmallows for breakfast to get her on the bus without a fight. My parenting book comes out next month.
11. When the bribing benefits both parties
My kid was bribed into doing chores today with a can of peas ..gives a whole new meaning to ‘will work for food’
12. When you argue to get your way to what you want
I just argued with a 3 year old & bribed her to watch the kids movie that I wanted to watch. This is what my life has come to.
13. And when you have that AH HA moment
I used to be against bribing my kids until I realized when I bribed them they’d do what I asked them to do.