didn’t sleep last night because I realized taylor swift was fucking lying about shaking it off
How To Tell If The Person You’re Dating Is Really A Floating Island Of Fire Ants
i’m sorry i was late i was busy scrolling tru my own instagram & feeling defeated by the passage of time
I like the Fall air like I like my motherfucking bacon: crisp
I have p low self esteem for someone who always googles celebs to see if they’re single after I wake up from a sex dream about them
I think I just made up a new word: “icliterate.” For men who don’t know where the clit is. Has this been done? May I be a millionaire now?
everyone knows 666 is the number of the beast but very few know 74 is the sleep number of the beast
It’s Mary Shelley’s birthday? To celebrate, invent a new genre of fiction at a house party to avoid the attentions of a dude who’s trash.
Shoutout to queer middle schoolers getting ready 4 back to school
Think of this time as “building a standup act.”
If you want to hear about a female Lord of the Flies let me tell you about my experiences in all-girls’ show choir
Can’t believe I forgot to make this game of thrones joke sunday but HELL YEAH WINTERS HERE DANY’S DEALING WITH 8 INCHES OF SNOW
Game of Thrones budget:
- Extras, special effects, actors, sets = 7 million.
-Cersei’s wig = 1 dollar.
a boy during sex: *does nothing at all* pic.twitter.com/qEVzIYHfUQ—isabel ¨̮ (@lSABABE) March 28, 2017
twitter: your childhood trauma, but make it funny pic.twitter.com/OHYIgdCFe8— mackinley (@Mackinley_S) August 27, 2017
I love this song pic.twitter.com/ScITBSQNrR— Satan Herself (@kremedelakitty) August 29, 2017
"You are descended from mighty wolves, Fielder. A regal hunter. A nearly perfect predator."— Hillary Monahan (@HillaryMonahan) August 31, 2017
he protec— raquel (@polllarize) August 27, 2017
but most importantly
he the snac that smile bac pic.twitter.com/6wMJbTXAp7
When someone parachutes into your mentions to inform you that they don't like your mundane tweet pic.twitter.com/KUGu1MeEcA— Bree Mae (@TheBreeMae) August 30, 2017