1. When you need a tiebreaker
Me: Let’s eat chicken nuggets.
[one kid cries]
Me: How about pizza?
[other kid cries]
[both kids cry]
We have a winner.
2. When it gets down and dirty
The floor has been fed dinner. Oops, I meant the toddler! No, wait. The floor. Definitely the floor.
3. When the grass is always greener
When I want my kids to eat something the best chance I have is to put it on MY plate, where apparently food becomes immediately appetizing.
4. When they’re too clever for their own good
Me: Finish your plate.
Daughter: I tried. I bit the plate but it was just too hard.
5. When you’re on a tight schedule
You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
6. When it’s clear they’ve had too much screentime
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it’s 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*
7. When you have a keen sense of reality
What’s your kids’ favorite food to heat up and throw away? Mine is french toast sticks with real maple syrup.
8. And when you’re not afraid to call them on their bullshit
My preschooler is a pretty picky eater for someone who snacks on boogers all day.
9. When that was way harsh, Tai
4yo: You know what the worst food ever is? Poop and pee and this.
*points at the dinner I just cooked*
10. When suddenly it all makes sense
I’m lucky sometimes to get one meal in lol
11. When you start from the bottom up, literally
I literally just said: Pull your pants up, we’re trying to eat!
12. When you’re not here for these childish games
Me: “Mac why ru spitting on the table?” Mac: “I’m making a swimming pool for my fork”
13. When they’ve acquired new skills
My toddler is practicing magic at the dinner table as he makes food disappear into his napkin
14. When you know it’s coming
My favorite part of every day is exactly 3.8 minutes after dinner, once my kid has declared he’s “not hungry” then asks for a snack.
15. And when at least you still have your sense of humor
I made food for my son, set it in front of him like he was going to eat it and then we just laughed and laughed.
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