Babar Khan Javed
1. “It’s a free country”
Whatever helps you sleep at night, princess.
2. “I run a startup”
You run a barbershop.
3. “I’m on a detox diet”
Yeah because the human liver is just a pointless add on, right?
4. “I’m just brutally honest.”
Or a sociopath with no regard for constructive feedback.
5. “A new study suggests….”
I can’t wait to hear what you cherry picked from a sponsored study.
6. “As a Virgo, I feel ..”
As an Earthling, I clearly don’t.
7. “It’s not an MLM scheme”
Sure it’s not.
8. “Millennials are so lazy”
Blanket generalizations based on small sample sizes? Nice.
9. “We only use 10% of our brains”
You clearly do.
10. “I graduated magna cum laude”
Yes, the job fairy is on her way.
11. “Because this is the way we’ve always done it.”
By all means, continue with black hat SEO
“I got the worst grade evaaaaar in a Biology exam: an 80%. I’m so sad.”
Okay, we get it. You’re an amazing student. You are one of the best. You want people to know you are one of the best.
Still, it’s better to shut up. No one likes show-off people, especially at school. Just go to Harvard and leave us alone.
Every time I talk to one of those girls who say this about their boyfriend/spouse:
“I was not interested in him. But he would not leave me. He kept chasing after me. Eventually I decided to date him.”
It absolutely annoys me. I do not get the point of a statement like this. What are they trying to prove? That they are so special that their man had to crawl up to them and beg for their love. That they have the power to control a man like a puppet. That they are their master.
I can recall hearing this from three different women. For those ladies, have respect for your man. He followed after you, because he really liked you. There is nothing to boast about it. If you really want to share your story, think about rewording it to something like this (possibly less cheesy).
“His love towards me made me fall for him. I was blind to not see the magic he saw between us. But once I did, I was head over heels in love with him and there has been no going back. I am glad he did not give up!”
“Can’t you just try harder to not be bipolar?” I will throw a flaming chair at the next person who says this.
In reference to my sexuality: “I’ll pray for you.” I swear, the only thing you should be praying for in terms of my sexuality (or anyone else’s) is that none of us end up in Chechnya. Otherwise, I am more than happy to show you the exit.
“I understand.” No, you don’t. You don’t experience things the same way I do, so stop doling out false sympathy.
“It’s not that hard. I did this when I was your age.” I want to slap every teacher who says this.
In reference to my goddaughter’s autism: “She wouldn’t be like that if her parents had raised her right.” No amount of good parenting will change the fact that she processes the world differently, and she isn’t worth any less because of what she was born with.
Also about my sexuality (mainly from other Quorans): “You’ll go to hell.” Last I checked, I’m next in line for the throne.
“She did not!” Yes, she did.
“Kids these days.” Old people these days.
Via Quora / Image Credit: Google