1. This dad who has never been more turned on by his partner
Just found that my wife lied about our kids age in order to get her in to a particular summer camp. Pretty sexy.
2. This dad who knows how to properly tuck in a child
son: dad can you check under my bed
me: no monster could fit under there unless it was tiny and if it’s tiny it could be anywhere. night son
3. This dad who knows parents don’t get breaks
Me: Finally, a couple of minutes to sit down.
My kids: Hold our juice boxes.
4. This dad who spends $$$ on Michael Jordan shoes for his kid for no apparent reason
I get my son all the Js. My ma got him some light up Spider-Man’s from Walmart & he wore them thangs til they split open
5. This dad who is offering to share his knowledge with the world
My kids just explained all of Minecraft to me if anyone has any questions
6. This dad who always teaches his kids important lessons
[1st day of school]
me: remember what I told u
my kids: [in unison] DON’T OVERQUOTE SUN TZU’S ART OF WAR
mk: ERASERS ARE NOT GUM
7. This dad who made this accurate observation
It takes my kids 20 minutes to brush their teeth:
1 minute to brush.
And 19 minutes for toothbrush sword fights.
8. This husband who is all for doing favors for his wife
I love it when my Wife asks me to look for something in her car because that’s a guaranteed 3 hours away from our screaming kids.
9. This dad who is king of common sense
7yo: Daddy, I can’t find my stuffed animal
Me: Here it is
7yo: How did you find it?
Me: I looked
10. This dad who knows that all discipline goes out the window when you’re faced with bugs
My son terrified of bugs just like me. A bee got in the car and he say “oh shit”. I couldn’t pop him cuz oh shit … oh shit is right son.
11. This dad who makes the ultimate sacrifice
I’ll be going to see the emoji movie today if anyone wants to join me for an hour and a half of self loathing.
12. This dad who knows a toddler and whistle is never a good combination
Oh good, my toddler found a whistle
13. This dad who sincerely apologizes for his kid’s outbursts
Dear Kids at the Beach,
I’m sorry my three-year-old yelled at you for digging a hole.
14. This dad who is figuring out what the term “exploring” means to a kid
It’s amazing to watch kids explore & experiment w their personalities.
Unfortunately, my 6yo is currently exploring how annoying he can be.
15. And this dad, who knows to never make assumptions
I never thought I’d have to tell my kids, “Stop making goose noises at the neighbors,” yet here we are.