she's been screaming at these water droplets for 3 fucking minutes get out of the shower you tiny moron pic.twitter.com/rEw8V6SLCw— corgi queen (@baz00per) January 11, 2017
For my cat's birthday I'm covering my coffee table with change, bottle caps, pens & gum wrappers so he can just knock it all onto the floor.— J.D. Altman (@NicCageMatch) June 1, 2014
"Dogs are assholes"— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) September 3, 2015
DOG PERSON: YOU'RE an asshole!
"Cats are assholes"
CAT PERSON: Yeah
if my cat doesn't like you then i can't like you— madison (@mtaucoin) June 5, 2016
sorry i don't make the rules
*me petting my cat*— despacitjoe (@sad_tree) February 24, 2015
CAT: This is the happiest I will ever be
*a door opens*
CAT: Now is my chance to flee this prison and never return
Sometimes I wonder if I spoil the cat, seeing him with his iPad, in his yurt. pic.twitter.com/45ScY3Rloe— Liz Buckley (@liz_buckley) January 21, 2015
Having a cat is like having a roommate that doesn't want to hang out and never intends on being friends.— farad. (@flawhad) June 3, 2016
I think the cat broke pic.twitter.com/PiaWJNGhAn— Dave M (@SpotTheLoon2010) December 11, 2016
My cat learned he could scoop up food with his cone and stole my damn taco when I wasn't lookingpic.twitter.com/R75ZNR8QE0— ghost mom (@radtoria) October 8, 2016
My relationship with my cat is like when Leia says "I love you" and Han says "I know" except then Han knocks over everything on my desk— Kendra W (@kendrawcandraw) September 13, 2016
3-year-old: We need a kitty cat.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2017
3-year-old: Because then we’ll have a kitty cat.
She makes a powerful argument.
I'm done with politics tweets until I get mad again. here is my cat pretending she doesn't know who destroyed the paper towels pic.twitter.com/c3AXIPTcD6— tw*tter gal (@rachelmillman) September 20, 2017
My friend's cat is out here trying to collect some insurance money. pic.twitter.com/rFzaXLiXgi— Mr. Drinks On Me (@Mr_DrinksOnMe) August 9, 2017
Me: tries to Pets my cat when she's walking— hilbin (@capstrio) September 16, 2017
My cat: pic.twitter.com/44j0XQsiCS
New boyfriend is allergic to kitten so can't keep him :( He's ginger & named Tom. Friendly. Comes when called. 28yrs-old & works in IT.— Periwinkle Jones (@peachesanscream) November 28, 2012
My cat just licked his empty scrotal sack for 10 minutes.— Kung Fu Kanga (@_little_old_me) May 31, 2016
Also, I just watched my cat lick his empty scrotal sack for 10 minutes.
I spent like 2 fucking hours looking for my cat pic.twitter.com/pq6nCiOB0p— Eli McKenzie (@EliiMckenzie) August 4, 2016
Hey sorry I'm late, I had to hold my cat like a baby.— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 10, 2015
Cats don't always make the best dogs pic.twitter.com/CUVx9PgAmQ— Luv Kittens Daily (@LuvKittensDaily) April 4, 2017
Being a cat owner involves saying, "I don't wanna see your goddamn butthole" way more times than anticipated.— Wayward Cunt Pickle (@TankCesar) June 5, 2016
my cat and i made a short-form documentary https://t.co/8JWgzWzegQ— Seb FoxAllen (@purpledocket) January 19, 2016