me: time to practice! :) :)
me: *eats an entire packet of doritos while staring at my closed instrument case*
me when I first got my instrument: I will never let anything happen to you my young child. I shall treat you gently and with a feathery touch
me now: *instrument falls down a flight of stairs* well frick
bach: *falls down *
bach: looks like ive BAROQUE my leg ahaha
bach: i need medical attention
Are you a fermata?
because you always leave me breathless
Guy who invented the piccolo: how about an instrument that hurts
Me tripping over my euphonium: I’m having a bari bad day
what do you call two brass instruments that share a locker
What’s the difference between a viola and an onion?
No one cries when you cut up a viol
every musician before taking a music aesthetic picture: right gotta find the most difficult looking page of this sheet music
Non-musician: Wow you’re so talented!!
Me: What can I say,
Me, putting jalapenos on my piano: maybe this will add some flavor and spice up my playing!!
hakuna fermata: it means keep playing for the rest of your days
violinist: *messes up* sorry it’s my reed
person: you don’t have a reed
violinist: it costs zero dollars to mind your own fucking business
me as a beginning musician: wow, that actually didn’t sound as bad! I’m super proud of myself!
me now: I’ve played this one phrase twenty times and something about the musicality still isn’t right. I’m putting too much emphasis on the e flat and my marcatissimo sounds more like a staccato so I’m basically a failure
friend: is that a hickey?
me: oh. um, I guess
friend: oh my gosh! when did this happen?
me: last night
friend: with who?
me: my violin . . .
You: short skirts, matte lipstick, average eyeliner
Me: a rosewood body, full conservatory and silver plated keys, an oboe.
collapsible music stand: take a break
me: no i almost got this
stand: you’ve been playing almost 1.5 hrs without stopping. break now
me: no *tries to turn page*
stand: *collapses and dumps all my music on the floor*
Me: *hasn’t slept in 3 days*
Me: we need to work on… what are they called?
Me: the noise levels, uhh the temperature?
Band Director: you mean dynamics…?
Me: *whispers* i’m so tired
How to do instruments
Get an instrument
Decide whether it is a doot, bang, or skree instrument.
Doot, bang, or skree accordingly
Congratulation you did an instrument
When publishers puT BAR NUMBERS AT THE START OF EVERY LINE SO I DONT HAVE TO SIT THERE FOR 20 MIN COUNTING LIKE IM IN PRIMARY SCHOOL AGAIN, IS IT REALLY THAT HARD JWPEPPER
Some soprano: Oh no sweetie I’ll take my coffee black, I’ve got a concert in two days so no dairy will touch these vocal chords!
Me, literally on the way to the dress rehearsal: hold on I gotta stop for ice cream
a scale a day keeps
the tears flowing