My roommates decided to have a random study party, with like 20 people in our apartment that is only 800 sq feet. Because of the unexpected intrusion, I got into the router settings and throttled the internet to dial up era speeds. When my roommates were trying to figure out what was happening, I told them we simply had too many people splitting the bandwidth and in annoyance they all left for the library. Best eight hours of silence ever.

A few summers ago, we had to replace the air vents in my house so my parents hired a few guys from an air conditioning company. To change all the air vents, the men had to go room to room so naturally, I thought I could avoid them by literally camping out in the closet which had no air vent so why would they even need to check? The closet in question was actually a teeny walk-in closet in my parent’s room with a door that opens inward like a bedroom door. So I grabbed my pillow, 3DS, and a snack, and was ready to brave the long day in there.
Unfortunately, I didn’t think far enough about what to do if they did happen to come upon my hiding spot. I think I was in there for about an hour when I suddenly heard footsteps nearby and yep, they were opening the door. I never panicked so hard in my life because how do you even explain this to someone? “Hello, I didn’t want you to know I was here so I decided to make this closet my home.” So what did my panicked dumbass do to make it even more awkward? I started PUSHING back on the door to shut it and I can just imagine what this poor guy must have been thinking. He finally stopped pushing, knocked politely on a freaking closet door, and asked if there were any air vents in there. I could only squeak out a mortified no.
I do have social anxiety which makes me do some pretty stupid things, but I definitely learned my lesson that time to not avoid people. Or better yet, not be an idiot!

If someone is browsing a section of a shelf at a grocery where I need something from, I pretend to look at other stuff until they go away. I swear though today I think I was waiting for someone to leave the canned soup section while they were waiting for me to leave the salsa section diagonally behind them.

I just took a new job where I basically interact with dogs all day instead of people. It is bliss.

My grandfather has died like 15 times to get me out of social engagements. What a champ.

I had this office job for about 6 months where I didn’t really like anyone I worked with, so every day for lunch I would go out to my car to pretend I was going out to get lunch, and instead drive to a nearby mall parking garage, park, and eat the lunch I’d packed for myself. I could’ve saved gas and time by just sitting by myself at one of the tables at work. But then someone might’ve tried to talk to me.

It’s Saturday and my phone is on flight mode to avoid calls and text messages, the curtains are all drawn so it looks like I’m not home, and I’m going to watch movies all day. Sounds like my ideal day, really.

I volunteered for a position in another country where I don’t speak the language so I could avoid conversations with my coworkers.

I didn’t get up to use the restroom on a 12 hour flight because I didn’t want to bother the guy next to me. Also didn’t refuse the drinks they kept offering in fear of being rude. Some of the worst pain I’ve experienced..

My roommate is very talkative. She’ll talk at me for hours on end if I let her. Sometimes when I’m not in the mood for it, I’ll hop in the car and drive until she goes to bed.

I remember one time, we had a door sales man at our front door me and my wife hide underneed the window we laid down on the floor. The man looked inside and saw us hiding there. He slowly walked away….

Once I had two meetings scheduled at the same time. I called both, said I had to go to the other, and went to neither.

One time someone tried to small talk with me and I literally just said “I dont talk to people” and walked away
Ana Flowers

I was having a “bad day” with being a introvert, so I used one of those Grocery Delivery services, and texted the driver saying wasn’t home at the moment and to just leave the stuff on the porch. When I heard her drive up I literally stood in my hallway where I couldn’t be seen from any windows and listened carefully.
I heard her come up to the door, knock, knock again, drop the bags and drive off. She sent a text that she had dropped the stuff off and I should hurry because some of it is perishable.
I opened the door and got my groceries.
That might be one of the lowest moments in my life. I still get pangs of shame whenever I think of it.

I call it “anti-stalking”; I’ll make a note of a person’s routine, times, dates, locations, and use this information to intentionally avoid them, lest I have to have… shudders small talk, or something.

Picked up a girl at the bar once… I was 19 (didn’t get carded) she was 26. Around 3AM I decided I want her gone. So I go around the house and set all the clocks forward to 630AM. I even went out to my truck and changed that clock. I woke her up and told her I had shit to do, it was morning. She was very confused, prob only slept about 30 mins.
I passed a f*cking bank on the way to her house… Big ass bright clock at 3am.
She was not happy.. never spoke again.

At my favourite local cafe the barista greeted me by name and remembered my order. I stopped going there.

I moved to Japan because you don’t have to make small talk with strangers ever.

I was invited to a low key dinner thing at the local Chili’s with a group of people I tangentially knew. Like 20ish people I guess. Ended up sitting at a booth by myself across the way from the main table because I didn’t know anyone enough to really put up the effort into sit next to them. That, and searing social anxiety. So I ended up being the odd man out (very self fulfilling in retrospect). I ordered an iced tea, got super anxious and self-hating about the situation and worked myself up pretty good. Had a bit of an agoraphobic, world-closing-in-on-me moment. Made the split second and irreversible decision to bail out and I left the only bill I had in my wallet on the table because I didn’t want to have to wait another f*cking second for the waitress to show up and pay for my ~$1.50 drink. That waitress got a $99.50 tip.

Leave the office through the back door to avoid saying bye to people