1. When unexpected visitors arrive
My top 3 assumptions when doorbell rings:
1. Murderer
2. Police telling me everyone is dead
3. That book I ordered about positive thinking

2. When there’s no such thing as rest
Me: Omg I’m so tired, I can’t wait to get some sleep.
*repeatedly dreams about stressful situatuions*

3. When you always assume the worst
Since you love jumping to conclusions so much


4. And have already convinced yourself something bad happened
“can i ask you something?” my immediate reply says “go for it” but my mind has already gone through the seven stages of grief

5. When you can’t control your thoughts
i need to stop imagining scenarios in my head that have a -2% chance of actually happening it’s becoming a problem

6. When your brain never stops
Actual footage of my brain on a daily basis.


7. When you try to rehearse
Yeah um I already played out this confrontation like 10 times in my head so if you could stick to the script I imagined for you, that’d be great, thanks.

8. And when it never goes the way you planned
me about to talk in public: *rehearses what I’m going to say 50 times in my brain*
me: today how you are

9. When you know you have one thing going for you
“why do you overanalyze text messages” to my credit i overanalyze everything, always, because i love feeling like i’m suffocating and everyone hates me, constantly, so at least there’s… consistency

10. When you are hard on yourself for no reason
Other person: *makes a mistake*
Me: “I know you feel bad, but you mustn’t beat yourself up; you’re human, we all make mistakes. It’s not the end of the world, just learn from this and use that to move on”.

Me: *makes a mistake*
Me: “proceed directly to the end of the world, do not pass go, do not collect £200″

11. When you try to act casual
me, finally getting a chance to say something I’ve thought about for twelve days straight: oh, hey, that reminds me, funny thing, this just came to mind but

12. When you need several days to consider something
Give me a few days to overthink abou it

13. When you are both logical and illogical
being self-aware enough to realize you’re being irrational but still not being able to stop anything


14. When you’re creating that Tinder profile
My special talents include: jumping to the worst conclusion possible and worrying about that thing for hours.

15. And when the truth does not set you free
My therapist says I overthink everything, so that’s given me a lot to think about.