“911 what’s your emergency?”
“There’s a pig in the road. A big one.”
“Sir where are you?” “At the stoplight. It’s the biggest damn pig I have ever seen. Get someone here now!”
(One stoplight town, the bar is near the intersection. It was at 2:30 am when the bars close.)
“how big is the pig?”
“About the size of a Volkswagen?”
“How much have you had to drink?”
“I’m not fucking drunk! It’s a giant pig the size of a small car! What is wrong with you people?”
Officers show up to find a full grown hippo that had escaped from the local wild animal park. Big… fuckin’… pig.
Lots of calls from elderly people hallucinating because of a UTI. One woman had been following CPR instructions and when the crew arrived, she was doing (very gentle) chest compressions on her slightly confused, but very much alive, cat.
My mom was a dispatcher for 20+ years. The eeriest call she ever told me about was one that started off with no voice, only breathing. She kept asking yes or no questions, working out a system to guess what was going on. Eventually he could talk a little bit and said the person who hurt him was still there, so the officers went in guns drawn. He’d said the person was there but hadn’t specified that they were dead.
Turns out the guy couldn’t talk because his throat was sliced open. Which he had done to himself. To make it look like his wife, whom he had just murdered, had attacked him first.
Heard this one the other day. Not from the perspective of an operator but close…
EMS responds to a call where a man reported having MULTIPLE potatoes stuck up his rectum/colon.
Not red potatoes, those big brown suckers.
The kicker: “I was washing my potatoes in the shower when I slipped and fell and all the potatoes went up there”