I like cucumbers. I put them in sandwiches and salads and use them instead of chips with dip. My husband hates them so I keep them out of his food. One day while shopping in the produce section he pulls a cuke out of the shopping cart and demands loudly: “What do you do with these? You buy them all the time but we never eat them!”
The looks we got were priceless. We are in our 60s.

My family went to Benihana for dinner (a Japanese hibachi place). The waiter asked us if we had any allergies and my dad blurts out, “I’m allergic to cats!” Because he is.
But the waiter just kind of looked at him and with a flat expression said, “We don’t serve cat here.”

At her wedding reception, my tipsy dad took the mike and told a room full of friends and relatives that his daughter, the bride, was like the son he never had.
His two sons in attendance, my brother and I, were pretty mortified.

We took our grandma to a highclass restaurant for a steak dinner on Christmas eve, because she’s never experienced anything like it. (Grew up very poor) When she got her steak it wasn’t cooked fully to her liking. So she stabbed it with her fork, and held it over the dinner candle twirling it so it can cook longer.

Image Credit: Modern Family, NBC

I was a little kiddo, but I remember my cousin saying:
“My weenie just got really big for one minute?!” in front of the whole family at christmas.
His first erection, shared with all his relatives. Nice.

My grandma grabbed my breasts in the middle of the Denver airport and told me I was “growing into such a nice young lady” thirteen year old me was horrified. She then told me that when you get old, “they get soft and fall behind your brassiere, so I should always wear “a long bra”.
She also announced at a huge family gathering “(my cousin) has become a woman! (she’d gotten her first period)”
I have a lot of wonderful hilarious stories about my grandma. I miss her terribly.