We spent over $20,000 on our wedding.
I spent thousands more on a ring.
I am no longer married.
The wedding party lasted one night. The ring is now useless.
This isn’t a knock on my ex. We are cool. I wish her the best.
I’m just pointing out that, in a country with a 50% divorce rate, we probably spend too much on weddings and marriage.
Fu*king cold weather.
“I just love snuggling up with my cozy blanket and drinking some hot cocoa.”
My dick shrinks two inches.
My feet are always fucking cold.
My skin’s fucking irritated all the time.
And last but not least, the frozen toilet seat makes me jump two feet in the air every time I have to take a shit.
Image Credit: Andres Gutierrez, Game of Thrones
Ned Stark was right to be worried about winter coming, because he knew it fu*king sucks. Stop romanticizing it.
It’s your ‘Birthday’.
At 11:59 pm- That call from a friend, who rejoices your birth more than your parents.
By 1:00 am- “Tell me I’m the one who wished you first na.” Say half a dozen people.
At 5:00 am- Your 5:00 a.m. friend calls. He just wants to let you know that he is working out. That’s it.
At 6:00 am- Your parent’s turn to wish. They still have that ‘yeh race jeeta kaise?’ look on their faces. (How did he win the race?)
At 8:00 am- You take blessings from your grandmother. She smiles but somehow hopes that you don’t breed further.
At 9:00 am – A call from a relative. The one who gently reminds you how you have successfully wasted another year of your life.
At 5:00 pm- Self proclaimed best friend calls. Demands a party as a return gift for the apsara pencil he gave you during the Harappan civilisation.
8:00 pm to 11:00 pm- You waste your entire year’s pocket money on your friends, the ones who charged you for your own ‘birthday cake’.
At 11:55 pm- You call your ex. Hoping, to get a wish. Number shows ‘busy’.
At 6:00 am- Message from her- “ Tu zinda hai?” (You still alive?)
Happy Birthday, eh?
The beach. Oh, god, the beach.
Image Credit: Pixabay
Everybody is always saying that they want to go to the beach. They want to play in the sand, swim in the waves, and get a nice tan.
But none of it as glorious as it seems.
First up, there’s the sand.
For one, it’s always hot. After walking on it for no more than a couple seconds, your skin begins to feel like it’s melting off of your bones.
Also, it gets EVERYWHERE. In your food. In your clothes. In your hair. In your eyes. In anything that you brought with you. Nothing is safe.
And once it gets places, it is pretty much impossible to get out. If you ever drop a book in the sand, you’ll be shaking grains out of the spine for weeks.
Then there’s the water.
Sometimes, it can be fun. It can be refreshing to cool off after being in the hot sun for hours, and it can be exciting to boogie-board.
But at beaches, there tend to be so many people in the water that doing any sort of activity without smashing into someone or being smashed into seems to be impossible.
And then once you get out of the water, you feel all sticky and grimy from that thin layer of salt that the ocean has deposited on your skin. And it stays there for hours.
And finally, there’s the damn sun.
A lot of people at the beach try to lay out in the sun’s rays and get tan. But this seldom happens, almost always replaced by one of two things.
The first is sunburn, ranging from a slight redness and stinging of the skin to a peeling, blistering mess of agony. Neither are fun, and both are very possible if you decide that you want to try to go from pasty white to chocolate colored in one day.
The second is sweatiness. Disgusting, smelly sweatiness. Instead of sitting peacefully in the sun and slowly getting darker, people frequently end up becoming soaked with their own body’s juices, making sitting on a plastic chair shirtless very uncomfortable.
I’ll avoid all of these horrors and just take a shower and then sit outside.