1. what a birch
2. A classic.
3. *lays across your lap*
4. At least he’s achieved multiple awards with his 147 IQ
5. Oh god, WHY
6. Unlike you I know how Facebook works
8. I’ll just decide your personality for you
9. *sweats on you*
10. You know, a usual hooking up tactic
11. Inner monologue as Tinder opener
12. Just some accidental chest touching, no need to be alarmed.
13. I love my best friend, but she may watch a little too much TV…
16. *Shoots self*
17. He’s been begging for weeks to do a “sexy roleplay” with me. I finally said yes. I think he regrets everything now.