1. It’s not your home; it’s their home. They’re just letting you squat there.
2. Fu*k your apple pie.
3. I’ve altered your signal. Pray I don’t alter it any further
4. The missing cat
5. Pretzels with extra hair
6. Sometimes they like to be held, but — and this next part is very important — usually they don’t.
7. Oh you’re playing? Well… I’m tired, let me just… Purrfect.
8. Saw this online and thought these cats fit right in here…
9. Oh, were you not finished with this Pizza yet?
10. Any attempts to contain or control a cat will be met with failure.
11. If you’re not careful, they will find your greatest weakness and exploit it.
12. Dude, chill! It wasn’t me, i swear!
13. My cat steals my slipper anytime speakerphone is on.
14. Welp, there goes the dog’s food…
15. Cat destroys paper towels daily
16. Fancy cat beds? Keep ‘em!
17. Good morning! Breakfast now?
18. Remember, it’s always been this way.