Me: Did you have a good day at school?
6-year-old: That’s not how school works.
My 6yo son just told me it was a girls job to do dishes. Now he and daddy are in the kitchen cleaning everything.
6-year-old: I hate how you pack my lunch
Me: Maybe you should pack your own lunch
6: *packs 28 Oreos*
Me: Maybe I should pack your lunch
If anyone has a solid 3 hours on their hands, my 6 year old has a story about Pikachu he’ll tell to anyone who is willing to listen.
6yo: “I forgot.”
ME: Have you washed your hands?
ME: Really? That seemed too fast.
6: Oh, I thought you meant ever.
6yo: I don’t want to be a nurse when i grow up anymore
Me: You’ve changed your mind. What do you want to be when you grow up?
6yo: I want to be nothing, like you
My six year old wanted a mint, so I asked, “What’s the magic word?”
Her response: “Now.”
Me: Where are the pretzels?
6-year-old: I ate them.
Me: I told you to divide them into four equal piles.
6: Each pile has zero.
Me (a good, responsible parent): WHAT THE FUDGE!
My 6yo (proving me wrong): Did you mean to say fu*k?
Me: “Would you like an apple?”
Daughter: “Ew no way.”
Me: “…Would you like apple slices?”
Daughter: “Oooh yummy! Yes!”
Mastering the art of 6 year old snack logic one day at a time.
6YO: Daughter: Dad, what is “lame”?
Me: When something is not cool or interesting.
Her: Your jokes are lame.
My son recently came up with a whole joke on his own:
6yo: Where do livers go swimming?
Wife & I: Where?
6: The Liverpool!
Only a six year old or Satan is this happy at 6 in the morning.
My 6yo just stepped on a spider and thought she killed it, but it got up and scurried away. Her response? “Oh. My. God. It’s Spider Jesus.”
My 6yo just yelled that he is 24% mad at me so, yes, math does have real world applications.
Six year old just asked for a throne for Christmas so I think we’re good for now on the whole self-esteem thing
Me: Are you hungry?
6yo: If it’s dinner then I’m not hungry. But if it’s a biscuit, then I am hungry.
6y.o, spotting tray of chicken wings: “Wow! That’s a LOT of dead chickens!”
-Why we can’t have dinner guests.
Me: “How excited are you to get a puppy dog?”
6yo: “THIS WILL CHANGE MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!”
My 6yo just found out that George Washington is no longer alive and he’s very upset.
“Finally, you made something that’s good” – 6yo being dinner honest with mom at dinner
Just woke up my 6yo for school. “Mom! Why’d you wake me up?!? I was about to eat a taco!” I’m sorry bud. So, so sorry.
I never thought this day would come, but it has: today my 6yo referred to me as the “annoyed antique woman.”
The day was saved when my six-year-old shouted from the bathroom, “Who wants to see how big my poop is?”
The 6yo and I were having an impromptu discussion on bigotry (spurred on by how the Dursleys treat Harry Potter).
6yo: “That’s not right. I like you even though you’re different from me. You have wrinkly skin and I don’t…”
4yo: What does getting older mean??
6yo: It means you’re getting closer to dying.
6-year-old: The lights flickered.
Me: No, they didn’t.
6: There. They did it again.
Me: Stop blinking.
My 6yo Son: Dad what did you do at work today?
Me: I built slides.
Me: Not that kind.
Me to 6yo: Why don’t you like eggs sweetie? They are so good for you!
6yo: I love eggs… in a cake.