1. This kid, whose real-time updates are realer than yours
Lily told me to not leave bed and she would text me updates of what she’s doing at all times. She wasn’t lying.
2. This kid, who has no interest in your small talk
3. This kid, who takes money matters into their own hands
4. This kid, whose text is peak millennial kid
5. This kid, whose threats are totally empty
6. This kid, who has discovered the poop emoji and will never go back
7. This kid, who wants an answer now
8. This kid, who’s really, really hungry
9. This kid, who has breaking news
10. This kid, who’s not afraid to play the mom guilt card
When your kid can text and on vacation and you’re at work
11. This kid, who — bless their heart — woke up a little worried
So this just happened (he’s at his dad’s). Anyone who has spent any time around me knows how bad my language is. I just want to show y’all that you can have an affinity for colorful language and keep your kids in check at the same time.
12. This kid, who just wants you to know they’re not slacking off
The message I receive while at the grocery store on my way home from work.
13. This kid, who proves that kid jokes totally put dad jokes to shame
Sometimes I regret teaching him how to text lol.
14. This kid, who knows just what to say to make their parents feel good
True love, six-year-old style.
15. This kid, whose comedic sense is way beyond her years
My kid is weird