Me ollying up to our wedding
[inventing wedding dresses]
a massive skirt!
now, put a skirt over her face!
god ya that’s the stuff
Just when I thought I found a great and affordable wedding venue, a reviewer casually drops this:
Any wedding can be a fairy tale wedding if you serve porridge and release three angry bears into the reception hall
Bride: I want my wedding to be elegant
Me, working as a wedding planner: Oh, it’s gonna be elegant af
ME: I do.
PRIEST: Could you say it again without the air quotes?
Give a man some jam and he can enjoy a nice piece of toast. Teach a man to jam and his Phish cover band will ruin your wedding.
*at my Twitter wedding*
Officiant: I now pronounce you It Us
[phone w/ fiancé]
Hey, I can still pick whatever suit I like for the wedding right?
“As long as its black, why?”
*wearing batsuit* No reason
“Do you take this bae to be your lawfully wedded fam?”
[smiling through tears] one hundred emoji
“I now pronounce you squad goals”
future husband, @ our wedding: isn’t this the best day of your life?
me, thinking of the day I first heard Everytime We Touch: it’s up there
JUDGE: You’re charged with stealing penguins from the zoo.
ME: *lips right on mic* I needed groomsmen for my wedding, your Honor.
When i get married im gonna send invitations to my enemies that have minus ones on them so they’ll know about the wedding but won’t be allowed to go
Welcome to my rustic wedding, eat these twigs bit*h
*At my future wedding*: “Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband”
Me to the groupchat: omg do I say yes or is that desperate
The only way I’m coming to your wedding is if YOU get ME a gift. You just found lifelong love, I think I deserve a blender more than you do.
“Remember that thing you had fun at? Well guess what: you looked like sh*t the whole time.” – wedding photos
A wedding guest list is the single most political thing you will ever do unless you become the President of the United States of America.