Whole Foods Cashier: You have your reusable bags?
*wave of boos from shoppers*
*a toddler with a hyphenated 1st name spits on me*
Just told a guy who cut me off in the Whole Foods parking lot to eat a bag of d*cks but then thought better of it and added THEY’RE ORGANIC
THE WORST: I just spent $30 on apples at Whole Foods and then dropped both of them!
*whispering to Whole Foods employee* where do you keep the unconventional sh*t?
Just listened to a couple argue about how fast they go through yogurt at whole foods & for a brief moment it felt like Obama was prez again
Me: Here’s my application for a second mortgage
Mgr: Ma’am, this is Whole Foods
M: I’ll be buying off the hot bar today
Mgr: Sign here
This woman at Whole Foods is choosing a bundle of asparagus more carefully than I chose my husband.
Whole Foods before a snowstorm is upper middle class Thunder Dome.
Who called it Whole Foods instead of House of Chards
I’m wandering around Whole Foods like tom hanks in The Terminal
ME: Do you…uh
CLERK: Do we what?
ME: Do you have any…uh
CLERK: Go on
ME: Do you have any Half Foods?
Amazing – overheard at Whole Foods. “Um, I need to read the numbers on the barcode aloud to you. I don’t want any lasers touching my food.”
If I had a nickel for all the “Whole Foods is expensive” jokes I’ve seen today I could probably buy some peanut butter at Whole Foods.
whole foods just deleted its entire instagram and is only following cardi b, sting, and beyoncé
so either they have been hacked or we are about to get the most fire mix tape about avocados the world has ever SEEN
Ocean’s 8 but about shoplifting from Whole Foods
I just finished shopping at Whole Foods and the cashier did not ask me if I wanted paper or plastic. She said, “do you want to destroy the Earth or did you bring your own bag?” Destroy please.