1. This familiar “death is imminent and you cannot escape” look
When the pastor starts preaching about disobedient children and your mom looks at you like
2. Jesus, the original David Blaine
[At Last Supper]
*Jesus raises bread*
This is my body
& my blood
*pulls out 8 of Clubs*
& this is your card
*Apostles go nuts*
3. This reminder of Jesus’s most lit miracle
Jesus was here.
5. This brings back memories of all your old Wow CDs.
You can write a song and get played on the radio for about 9 months, or you can write a CHRISTIAN song and KLOVE will play it for 9 years.
6. Now the story of a wealthy man who lost everything… and the one God who had no choice but to keep going — it’s Old Testament Development.
God’s third least favorite child
7. Proof that heaven is gonna be hella awkward
me: “we commemorate the day you died every year”
jesus: “thats nice, what’s the day called?”
me: “bad friday”
8. This exchange that was weirdly left out of the gospels
Judas: The one I kiss is Jesus Christ.
Soldier: You can just point to him.
Judas: (putting on lip-balm) I don’t tell you how to do your job.
9. When your church tries to relate a little to hard to the youths
Brethren, WHO DID THIS?!?!?
10. Proof that if God is a woman, Tyra Banks juuust might be Jesus
Twelve disciples seated here at this table to share my last meal of this earth… but only one can be America’s Next Top Model
11. This joke that you shouldn’t have laughed at — but definitely did
12. This biblical query that we all deserve an answer to
Nobody talks about Jesus’ miracle of having 12 close friends in his 30s
13. This reminder that you are basically doing lent all the time
For lent I’m just giving up
14. That often forgotten volume Harry Potter and the Order of Your Parents to Not Read That Witchcraft
15. “You’re tearing me apart, Judas!” — Jesus, probably
16. This explanation for the first viral post
God: So Moses, how do I get more followers?
Moses: Well people don’t want to read a whole scripture, you have to distill it into like 10 rules
God: there’s no way you can distill everything I’ve said int-
Moses: GOD’S TOP 10 COMMANDMENTS (Number 7 Will SHOCK you)
God: holy sh*t
17. Gosh dangit, this freaking darn joke
18. And finally, you are lying to yourself if you wouldn’t answer this too