1. This guy whose dating life isn’t up to code
I’m a health inspector. On dinner dates, I can’t help pointing out all the health code violations in the restaurant.
2. This cat lady in the making
A guy I was dating sat down on the couch next to me. I proceeded to whisper “that’s the cat’s spot” to myself.
3. This smooth talker
Held the door for cute girl I had crush on. She said thank you, I said your problem. I jumbled you’re welcome and no problem
4. This (likely) cop’s daughter
My dad makes me run every potential date through the sex offender registry “just in case we catch a live one.”
5. This cereal dater
I keep snacks in my pocket, and once on a date, I was caught sneaking a handful of Cinnamon Toast Crunch while waiting for our food.
6. This hungry singleton
I order my food in drive thru with my regular voice. Then pretend I have a passenger and use another voice so they don’t think I’m lonely and I eat a lot.
7. This super fan who is super single
I have a framed photo of Chris Hemsworth I signed hanging above my bed. It says”Thanks for everything, Katie. Love, Chris.”
8. This cake lover who actually might be a keeper
When I eat cake I flip it upside down so that I can lick the icing off the plate when I’m done with the cake
9. This awkward-moment maker
I tried flirting with a guy by saying his smile was nice. He said he got it form his mom. I replied, “Your mom must be hot then.”
10. This girl whose dating life is ruff
I’ve eaten a dog biscuit on accident and then again on purpose bc it tasted just like a mini muffin.
11. This guy with the handle “@MetalFanInBlack”:
Because I’d probably have to update my wardrobe.
12. This accidental creep
One time I told a girl she was beautiful, and after she responded with thank you, I said, “ya I’ve been watching you a lot.”
13. This guy who can no longer go to his favorite restaurant
The last time I was leaving a restaurant, the hostess said, “Enjoy your night,” and I said, “Love you too!”
14. This (bed) spreader
I refuse to give up my side of the bed. Which is both sides, because I sleep like a fucking star fish.
15. This guy who has (Bru)no social life
I break into song of Uptown Funk almost every 5 minutes & try to include it in every conversation. Dont believe me? Just watch.
16. This test that is a bit much
When I was dating my ex I brought him over to meet my parents and my dad pretended to rob us to see if he would protect me
17. This time-saving plan
Whenever I wear ripped jeans, I only shave the patches of leg hair that will be exposed.
18. This knockout
I punched my self in the face with both hands trying to take my quilt out of the dryer, giving myself a bruised lip and a partial black eye.
19. This guy who is doomed to be Solo
Last time I walked into a supermarket I opened the automatic sliding doors Jedi-like while the Imperial March was playing.