*using Ouija board*
“hello, is there anyone there”
“ah damnit this is a Soulja board*
y’all got any fu*kin lamps?
*****MISSION IMPOSSIBLE SPOILERS DO NOT READ******
wow….. I can’t believe the mission was possible
“What’s a toxic trait you have?”
Me: i tend to eat the other person’s fries on the way home and i keep the one that is full
My grandpa got bitten by a spider and he was really upset so i went to get some cream but before i could leave the room i heard him say “at this age i can’t handle the responsibility of being a spiderman”
Mother: can you please fix my computer
Me: *leans back in chair* well… well … well … if it isn’t Miss ‘Get Off That Computer’ Years 1994 to 2006
Important Working Lunch instructional slide RE introducing yourself
the gilmore girls revival but the main character is the next gilmore girl, rory’s daughter, and she’s getting married and she doesn’t know which of dean, jess and logan is her father so she invites them all to her wedding and they all sing a lot of abba
Some Netflix error messages I could use
google are cowards
I checked my texts and ive been drunk texting one of my recent uber drivers
Everyone can turn off the internet and go outside to play now, I’ve found the best meme.
So uh nick jonas is engaged. i hope priyanka knows he eats cheese, but only on pizza and sometimes on a homemade quesadilla because otherwise it smells like feet to him
I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING
Sigmund Freud when he finds out about all the boyfriends that are being called daddy
To all of the haters that said this day would never come
But what if Venom had eyes?