Hi, welcome to dating. These are your two options:
1. Stay together forever
2. Break up
What if the guy that invented soccer just wanted an excuse to eat orange slices
[the invention of money]
i want your stuff
“it’s mine tho”
what if i gave you a hard circle or a long paper
Shout out to quiche for being pie you can eat in the morning without people saying you’re “depressed” or “need to get your life together”
A normal thing humans do every night is say “Ah, the giant ball of fire in the sky has disappeared. Let’s be unconscious until it returns”
What if the ending of game of thrones is everyone’s killed each other and gendry just rows into king’s landing like yo that’s my throne tbh
Is caviar really expensive because it’s so hard to peel the eggs?
~Thoughts at 3 a.m.
What if wishing on a star really does work and we’re just waiting for our wish to travel 20 million light years to the star?
I like Jeopardy because even if you win they make you play until you’re a loser.
So weird how furniture stores call them ‘bedside tables’ instead of snack wrapper graveyards.
Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That’s what adulthood’s like.
If Trump replaces Obama in the White House, orange really would be the new black
“What if all the Ancient Greek sculptures are actually victims of Medusa?”
What if you met your soulmate but you found out they were Yelp Elite?
“What if doing business with a gay person is against my religion?” he tweeted from his iPhone, made by a company with an openly gay CEO.
8 year old, after a hard week: “What if life gives you lemons but you don’t have all the ingredients for lemonade?”
At what age does Ryan Gosling have to change his name to Ryan Goose
What if we found out that pearls have just been oyster poops this whole time
Weird how palm trees are associated with relaxation. their coconuts can kill you.
How come flys always seem to get in through the the tiniest gap but can’t escape through the big open window?
What if you fell in love with someone and then found out they leave YouTube comments.