If the thumb is not a finger, then there is no middle finger
Maybe dogs bring home sticks because that was bred into them over millennia of humans needing wood for fires
Bean bags are just boneless sofas.
Ducks can swim, fly and walk on land. They have access to all terrains. They are the ultimate animal.
Watching a graduation ceremony is like sitting through a movie thats entirely end credits
Your future self is talking sh*t about you
When we’re young, we sneak out our house to go to parties. When we’re old, we sneak out of parties to go home.
It’s weird to think that nighttime is the natural state of the universe, and that daytime is only caused by a nearby, radiating ball of flame
A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you.
The only part of your reflection you can lick is your tongue.
Making a typo in an online argument is the equivalent of voice cracking in a verbal argument.
Accidentally liking someone’s post while snooping through their profile is the digital equivalent of stepping on a twig while sneaking through the forest.
At special occasions girls with curly hair straighten it and girls with straight hair curl it.
Drinking water with a minty mouth is the cold version of spicy
The brain may have named itself, but it also recognized that it named itself and was surprised when it realized that.
The best part of a cucumber tastes like the worst part of a watermelon.
Your voice in your head doesn’t need to take a breath
Only one sock goes missing because if both disappeared, you wouldn’t notice.