The writer Ross McClearly asked his Twitter following what the most ridiculous thing they believed as a kid was.
And the responses did NOT disappoint. Here are just a few of the absolute best ones:
1. This childhood resentment.
I thought that other kids got to keep watching TV shows during the commercials I saw. I seem to recall resenting that.
2. This radio room.
When a song was being played on the radio, I thought the whole band just popped into the room with the radio presenter, then left once they’d finished.
3. This two tube mix-up.
I thought that when someone choked a bit and said something had gone down the wrong way that we must have a food tube and a drink tube and I wondered how our bodies knew what to do with chunky vegetable soup
4. This bowl of “serial”.
My daughter stopped eating all ceareal as a kid. She told us years later she heard on the news a serial killer was on the loose. Thought he was in the cereal box. Didn’t want to take a chance. And she loved cereal.
5. This pronunciation perfection.
When I was a little kid like maybe 5 I didn’t know how “Egypt” was pronounced when I read it in books so in my head I called it “eggy-put” the embarrassing thing is I knew there was a country called Egypt I just didn’t realise they were the same
6. This magic money.
I thought that you could take money out of a cash machine anytime you needed some. It seemed odd that people worried about the cost of things when they should just visit the cash machine more frequently.
7. This tragic way to die.
My mum told me if I picked the bobbly mole on my neck I would bleed to death. I believed this right up until the age of 32 when I mentioned it in passing to my GP who nearly pissed themselves laughing.
8. This moving misunderstanding.
When I was very small I thought that ‘moving house’ meant literally moving your house to a different place. I then imagined there must be a secret button somewhere that you pushed to enable this and set about trying to find it.
9. This odd funeral choice.
I used to think bodies in graveyard were actually *inside* the grave stones (because they had their names on and they were the only bit of the grave I could see). I have no idea how that would have worked (some form of post mortem flattening process?)
10. This creepy belief
I thought newsreaders could see us because they were looking straight at us. I stuck my tongue out at Peter Sissons once and then was so scared he was going to tell my mum
11. This history lesson.
I thought the the Americans were fighting gorillas in the jungles of Vietnam called the Viet Kong, and their leader was King Kong. A peculiar problem of a 1960s childhood. I
12. This foot fail.
I thought shoes got smaller with age. Cause people said, “Your shoes are too small for you now”. Had my eye on a pair of my mum’s high heels – electric blue, with a bow. I thought, “Can’t wait till they shrink enough to fit me”.
13. This two-sided flat Earth.
When you had the map of the world flat on a wall. I thought that was one side of the planet and would ask “but whats on the other side”. This was before I saw a globe.
14. This two-for-one mistake.
-I thought Superman was a profession like doctor or taxi driver, and that I could simply become a Superman when I was older.
-My brother thought that guns fired blood, because when someone gets shot on television, they get bloody.
15. This full body tank.
As a child I thought “full” from eating meant you were full of food from your head to your toes. So when I was eating I would say “I’m this full” and like put my hand on my body where depending on how full I thought it was of food
16. This law-abiding ridiculousness.
Used to think “drinking and driving” related to all beverages, not just alcohol.