Tampon instructions: Tampons can kill you
Tampon instructions: they probably won’t though, don’t worry about it
Tampon instructions: just worry about it a little bit
How to apply mascara:
Pull wand from tube
Open your eyes like a haunted doll coming to life
If you had a wedding dress with a fanny pack you could get rid of the ring bearer all together.
A man in the subway tried to hit on me by coming up behind me very close & saying in my ear, “You think the trains going to be late?” but I’d just had dental work done so I turned around & slurred, “No idea” while blood poured out of my mouth. I wish I could do this all the time
When you accidentally turn on the front facing camera
BOSS: Your feminist agenda is starting to disrupt meetings
ME: *tucks tampon behind ear like a pen* How
It’s almost that time of year when other girls look cute in their flannel and I look like I’ve misplaced my axe.
I want a story from the “manic pixie dream girl” perspective and how shes just trying to navigate through her own life but fu*king pathetic men keep latching onto her at every turn
I just bought a 36 pack of toilet paper rolls. I am not the woman for you.
Today I saw two elderly women with an iphone, giggling hysterically while they learned to take selfies, and now I know who I want to be when I grow up.
A bridal accessories shop called
*sets phone down to charge*
*starts rummaging through my purse for my phone*
*puts on glass slippers*
*takes one step*
*shards stab feet*
*ruins fancy dress*
*crawls for help*
*leaves bloody trail for tracking*
~ Me, as Cinderella
DO NOT call me baby girl! i am a baby woman
*firing tampons from a Nerf gun at children in the mall* oH, I’M SORRY, DOES FEMINISM FRIGHTEN YOU?!?
Give a man a fish & he eats for a day, but teach a man to fish & he’ll be like “um actually i know how to fish, i’ll show you” & you wish you had your old fish so you could throw it at him
Girls don’t want boys. Girls want to glide down ladders in their own private library while their red cloak flutters behind them, owning swords and many chocolates, with fast WiFi at all times.
Spilled bronzer powder and now my bathroom fixtures have that healthy summer glow.