1. This kid, who believes honesty is the best policy
My son got his report card today and academically he did well but his teacher wrote a note specifying “he needs to use kind words with friends ” . I asked him about it and he said “My friends are dumb and they need to know”
PurestInNoSense / Via twitter.com
2. This kid, who seriously loves nachos
My 13 y.o. son told me that when he hits 99 pounds, he wants to eat one pound of nachos on his own so he can be 1% nacho.
DavidJuurlink / Via twitter.com
3. This kid, who’s probably onto something
My 5 year old son just asked “what if we put a slice of turkey in the DVD player and it played a movie about the turkey’s whole life” and none of the parenting books I’ve read have prepared me for this question.
OctopusCaveman / Via twitter.com
4. This child, who thought her name was more important than this author’s name
Small child in signing queue: Why are you writing YOUR name in MY book?
Me: That’s the book I wrote. I was going to sign it for you
Child: It’s MINE
Me: OK. Shall I write your name?
Child. Yes. Then *I* will sign it
AbieLongstaff / Via twitter.com
5. This kid, who knows their mom better than anyone else
Teacher to my son after he gets in trouble: “I’m going to have to call your mom.”
Son: “Don’t call her.”
Teacher: “Sorry but I have to.”
Son: “No I’m serious. Don’t call her. She doesn’t answer her phone. You have to text her.”
effinghandbook / Via twitter.com
6. This kid, who is rightly scared for the future
One of my 6 year olds started crying today and when I asked why she said, “I don’t wanna grow up because I can’t bake, I can only make cereal, and furniture is expensive”
sydneyreneec / Via twitter.com
7. This kid, who takes learning very seriously
Me: What did you do at school today?
5-year-old: Learned about dragons.
Me: Your class learned about dragons?
5: I learned about dragons. I don’t know what everybody else was doing.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com
8. This kid, who understands how adults work
Walked into my kids’ room and my 5yo son grabs my 9yo daughter and whispers, “Don’t move. Their vision is based on movement.”
EliasToufexis / Via twitter.com
9. These kids, who like all types of meat
My son just traded a chicken tender to my daughter in exchange for a bite of burger and now they’re quietly chanting “Meat for meat.”
ftrain / Via twitter.com
10. This kid, who isn’t afraid to knock their dad down a peg
Putting 4yo daughter to bed, telling her I’m going to St. Louis…
A: “Who are the Cardinals playing?”
Me: “The Cleveland Indians…”
A: “That’s the team you play for?”
Me: “No, no, no. I don’t play. I watch the game and write a story about it.”
A: [laughs HARD] “Why??”
MLBastian / Via twitter.com
11. This kid, who’s an excellent fart-er
4yr old: Sorry I farted
Me: Do you need to go potty?
4yr old: No, sometimes I fart because I’m watching a great show or movie, or I’m having a great day.
erdmanmolly / Via twitter.com
12. This kid, who’s technologically savvy
My 7 year old told me his butt is “glorious” and “made in New York.” Also, he learned how to change Netflix profile names.
CraigSilverman / Via twitter.com
13. This kid, who knows a few intimidation tactics
My 7yo daughter: someone at camp said girls aren’t tough.
Me: what did you say to that?
My 7yo, who has had a loose tooth for over a week: I pulled out my tooth in front of him and he stopped talking to me.
katiecandraw / Via twitter.com
14. This kid, who knows what she wants
Me: who keeps texting you?
11 yo niece: it’s her boyfriend
9 yo niece: he’s not my boyfriend I just keep him around bc he has a pet turtle
huntigula / Via twitter.com
15. This kid, who is definitely right
My four year old is watching Toy Story for the first time ever and he just whispered to himself, “Alive toys… I knew it.”
TragicAllyHere / Via twitter.com